Celebrity Deathmatch--Anime Style!
by Joseibi Tsukino Saotome
Summary: This is a series of anime wrestling matches :P Yeah, I'm a real lady. *spits* Anyway, hope you enjoy it :P Pokemon VS Digimon (from the period where I hated Digimon with a passion :P Now I like it)
1. Default Chapter Title

Celebrity Deathmatch—Anime Style! Bulma's fired???

Hermione: (starts to cry)

Serena: Awww...Hermione...don't worry...

Hermione: Well **sniff*, Bulma couldn't get us any fights for today...

Serena: So...she was....was....FIRED! (cries with Hermione) We're...oh Hermione, I can't go on! You announce it!

Hermione: Ok **sniff** We're going to pull people out of the audience to fight....

Serena: (toughens up) NO! I won't stand for this! Let's go protest!

Serena, Hermione, and the audience: (run out of the building)

Serena, Hermione, and the audience: (march around with signs) NO BULMA, NO PEACE! NO BULMA, NO PEACE! NO BULMA, NO PEACE!

Bulma: (walks up to the crowd) You guys are great...but don't worry about me...I'll try to get another job...

Hermione: NO! I know I never really show much kindness toward you, but this is ridiculous! We're nothing without you!

Serena: Well, we're something...but not much!

Hermione: Come back to us, Bulma!

Bulma: I wish I could...but the boss...

Serena: Hey! I'll fight the boss in today's episode to try and win you back on the show! HEY BOSS!

Boss: What is it???

Serena: I challenge you to a celebrity deathmatch! If I win, Bulma gets to come back and host with us! 

Boss: ....**sigh** silly girl...you'll never defeat me! I AM THE BOSS!!! MUWAHAHAHAH!

Hermione: ....

Bulma: I think the boss has finally snapped...

Hermione: Are you sure you wanna do this, Serena? I mean....look at him...he's...well...HUGE...

Serena: I can take him! 

Bulma: But if you kill the boss, who will be our new boss?

Serena: Someone smarter...

Hermione: Someone skinnier...a lot skinner...

Serena: How 'bout Luna!

Bulma: YEAH! LUNA! 

Luna: AH! Well...uh...I accept your offer, I guess...but if I agree to being your new boss, you have to let me be Mills Lane...

Hermione: Agreed!

Bulma: Fine with me!

Serena: Sounds great!

Luna: Good! I've always wanted to say "Let's get it on!"

Hermione: ....

Bulma: ....

Serena: ....

Goku: ????

Hermione: !!!!

Bulma: Goku!

Serena: What are you doing here?

Goku: (shrugs) (walks away)

Serena: ....k

Boss: WAIT! You guys are all setting up a new boss and a Mills Lane...but Sailor Moon has not yet defeated me! And she never will!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Hermione: Oh yeah, he definitely snapped...

Bulma: That's cool...

Serena: ...

Luna: Can I still be Mills Lane for this match even if Sailor Moon didn't win yet? I've always wanted to say that "Let's get it on!" line...

Serena: I see no harm in that...

Hermione: Yeah! That'd be cool!

Bulma: No problem there!

Everyone: (goes back inside)

Serena: MOON ETERNAL MAKE UP! (enters the ring)

Boss: (enters the ring) 

Luna: Now, you two...ummm....there really aren't any rules as far as fighting goes....so....I'll say only this....LET'S GET IT ON!

Boss: (runs at Sailor Moon madly) BWAAAHAHHHAHAHAHAH! You are merely a hostess! But I...I am the great BOSS!!!

Sailor Moon: AAAH! (sticks out her foot)

Boss: (trips on Sailor Moon's foot and cries) WAAAH! THAT'S NOT FAIR!

Bulma: That's damn fair!

Hermione: YEAH! YOU POWDER PUFF!

Bulma: PANSY!

Luna: CREAMY GOODNESS!

Sailor Moon: ....

Luna: (smiles)

Boss: I'm not a pansy...(cries more)

Sailor Moon: It's time to finish this and win Bulma back...not to mention a new and better boss and a Mills Lane! Here we go! STARLIGHT HONEYMOON THERAPY KISS!

Boss: (turns to dust, but very very slowly)

Bulma: WAHOOOOOOO!! YIPPEE!!! SERENA SAVED MY JOB!!!

Luna: And gave me TWO!

Hermione: Why'd it take so long for him to vaporize?

Serena: (now de-transformed) Well, look at him...he's...HUGE!

Serena, Bulma, Hermione, and Luna: (burst into a large laughter, the kind that corny sitcoms end with) ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha....

Serena, Hermione, and Bulma: (all hug each other tightly) Thanks for sticking around! JA NE!

Terra, the photographer: (comes in)

Luna: (jumps into the picture behind the girls just before Terra takes the snapshot)

Terra: (snaps her camera)

(Picture Coming Soon)


	2. Default Chapter Title

Celebrity Deathmatch—Anime Style: Non-Chibi Gohan VS Darien, Shampoo (Cat Form) VS Luna, and Sailor Scouts VS Ginyu Force: The Battle of the Sexes

Serena: YAHOO! I'm fighting today in our last round! I can't wait!

Hermione: Uh...yeah, anyway, Bulma is here with a tape she made while spying on Gohan and Darien's coffee-and-chat yesterday...it is the tape of how the first fight got started.

Bulma: (puts tape in a VCR, and giant screen comes on)

__

(Movie Plays)

Gohan: Hey Darien! That girlfriend of yours is really something!

Darien: What's that supposed to mean?

Gohan: She's hotter than Videl!

Darien: You've got to be kidding, man, Videl is like the hottest thing in this world!

Gohan: Hey! Let's have a fight over Serena, just for the hell of it!

Darien: Ok!

(Movie Ends)

Hermione, Serena, and Bulma: (are all silent)

Hermione: Ehhh...I was expecting a little more...arguing...and...vulgar language...but anyway...

Bulma: Here's the first battle! Gohan VS Darien!

Darien and Gohan: (enter the ring)

Darien: Hi Gohan!

Gohan: Hi Darien!

Serena: ......

Hermione: **cough**

Bulma: **snicker**

Darien: Well, I think I'm going to fight you now...

Gohan: Yeah, I think I am too...

Darien: Uh...(throws a rose at Gohan) (it lands on the ground)

Gohan: (picks up the rose) (pricks his finger) OW!

Darien: Are you okay?

Gohan: I think so...thank you for asking...

Darien: Here, have some Anti-bacterial soap! (throws a bottle at Gohan)

Gohan: (catches the bottle) Thanks! (puts some on his hands) Oooh! Raspberry!

Darien: Yeah, that's my favorite!

Gohan: Mine too! What a coincidence!

Darien: Wow! Imagine that!

Bulma, Serena, and Hermione: (are all asleep) **snore**

Bulma: (wakes up) Huh? What? (wakes Hermione and Serena up)

Serena: **yawn**

Hermione: I'm sorry...I dozed...

Audience: BOOOOOOO!!!!

Gohan: (looks up at the control tower) Wow, that Serena is REALLY, REALLY hot...

Darien: Would you stop saying that! She's MY girlfriend! You've got Videl!

Gohan: But I want Serena!

Darien: That's it! Give me back my anti-bacterial soap!

Gohan: But I like raspberry!

Darien: Too bad! Hand it over!

Gohan: (gives Darien the soap with an ashamed look on his face)

Darien: (punches Gohan in the face)

Gohan: KAME...HAME....HAA! (blasts Darien into the audience where he is taken immediately into care)

(flies up to Serena and holds her)

Bulma: (giggles uncontrollably)

Hermione: (tries to hold in her laughter)

Serena: Ummm...(scoots away from Gohan)

Gohan: (scoots closer to Serena)

Bulma: The best boyfriend for Serena is Gohan!

Videl: (comes bursting into the control tower door) GOOOOOHAAAAAN!

Gohan: VIDEL! Uhhh...I...Uh....uh...I was just....

Videl: (grabs Gohan by the ear and pulls him out the door)

Hermione: Unfortunately, he's already taken...

Serena: ......That was rather odd...

Bulma: I'll say...

Hermione: .......Anyway, our next battle is the cat form of Shampoo VS...

Serena: The cat form of Luna! **coughgolunacough**

Hermione: .....

Bulma: ......that shoots the hell out of the "No choosing sides" rule....

Luna: (enters the ring)

Shampoo: (enters the ring carrying a bucket of cold water) (sticks her hand in the water and turns into a cat)

Luna: (jumps at Shampoo-kitty)

Shampoo: (scratches Luna)

Luna and Shampoo: (scratch each other)

Luna: (stops) This is gay! We need to FIGHT! Not scratch each other's lights out!

Shampoo: You right!

Luna: (calls out to Serena) HEY! TURN INTO SUPER SAILOR MOON SO I CAN BE A HUMAN!

Serena: Uhhh....k.......CRISIS...MAAAAAKKKE...UUUUP! (transforms into Super Sailor Moon)

Shampoo: (runs and jumps into a hot chocolate someone in the audience had)

Owner of hot chocolate: AH!

Shampoo: (turns into a human) (goes back to ring) (realizes she's butt-ass naked) (goes to get clothes) (comes back) (goes to the ring) (goes into fighting stance)

Luna: Any time now, Super Sailor Moon!

Super Sailor Moon: Ummm...SILVER CRYSTAL OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP! TURN LUNA INTO A HUMAN JUST FOR THIS BATTLE SO THAT SHE MAY BEAT THE LIVING SHIT MONKEYS OUT OF SHAMPOO!!!! (glows with brilliance)

Luna: (turns into a human) Kick ass!

Shampoo: Luna very pretty as human!

Luna: Shampoo use very bad grammar as human...but I really don't mind!

Shampoo: Luna has insulted Shampoo's grammar! Now Luna must die!

Luna: Oh, yeah, I'm afraid!

Super Sailor Moon: GOOOOOOOO LUNA!

Hermione: That REALLY shoots the hell out of the "No taking sides" rule!

Bulma: Yep!

Shampoo: (takes a swing at Luna, but she misses)

Luna: HA! Nice shot!

Shampoo: (glares at Luna and pulls a giant spatula out of her pocket)

Luna: HUH???

Super Sailor Moon: **GASP** That's Ukyou's spatula!!!!

Hermione and Bulma: **GASP**

Super Sailor Moon: GOOOOOOOOOOOO LUNA!! WAHOO!!!

Hermione: ¬_¬ mmm.....

Bulma: HEHEHEHEHE!

Luna: (grabs the spatula from Shampoo and beats her senseless with it)

Shampoo: OW! LUNA HURTING SHAMPOO!!

Luna: That's the point...

Shampoo: (falls down, unconscious)

Super Sailor Moon: LUNA WINS!!! YAAAAY!

Hermione: The winner is Luna...

Bulma: As Serena just said...

Super Sailor Moon: Now, our next and last battle is...the one with ME in it!

Hermione: Ehh...it's also known as "The Battle of The Sexes"

Bulma: Oooor....The Sailor Scouts VS The Ginyu Force!!!

Super Sailor Moon: (jumps down into the ring)

Sailor Mars, Sailor Mercury, Sailor Jupiter, and Sailor Venus: (enter)

Jeice, Berter, Ginyu, Guldo, and Recoome: (enter)

Sailor Venus: HEY! Red dude! You're cute! Wanna get married?

Jeice: Sure!

Sailor Venus and Jeice: (skip out of the ring and out of the building)

The Sailor Scouts and The Ginyu force: (watch as their two friends skip away)

Sailor Jupiter: Hey! That's not fair! I wanna get married too!

Guldo: I'll marry you!!!!!!!

Sailor Jupiter: Uhhh...no thanks....

Guldo: Aw....**frowns**

Captain Ginyu: Hehhehe...CHAAAAAANGE....

Super Sailor Moon: AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! (jumps out of the way) 

Captain Ginyu: Awww.......**frowns**

Sailor Mars: Flame Sniper! (aims her attack at Captain Ginyu)

Captain Ginyu: (turns to dust)

Sailor Mars: Well, that takes care of that Body-Changing problem...

Super Sailor Moon: Thanks a bunch, Raye!

Sailor Mars: No problem!

Sailor Mercury: MY TURN! SHINE AQUA ILLUSION! (freezes Guldo and pushes him off the ring) There, he was making me sick with those four eyes...

Sailor Jupiter: Now for Berter...

Berter: Homina...homina...homina...

Sailor Jupiter: I'm just to sexy for my Sailor Fuku, aren't I??? Anyway....Supreme Thunder! (throws her thunder disc at Berter)

Berter: (explodes)

Sailor Mars: They're just too dazed by our beauty to fight! Oh well, I guess I'll take advantage of it! Fire Soul!

Recoome: (blocks the flame) I can't be fooled into stupidity by a pretty girl....

Super Sailor Moon: I think it's a little late for that....

Recoome: Though, all four of you are VERY pretty....

Sailor Jupiter: (walks over to Recoome and cuddles him)

Recoome: **blush** uuuhhhhh......

Sailor Jupiter: How about we blow this joint and go be alone together....huh?

Recoome: W-w-whatever you say, Miss...

Sailor Jupiter: (leads Recoome out of the ring and out of the building)

Everyone: (stares at the shut door)

(a girl screaming "Sparkling Wide Pressure!" and a large blast was heard from outside)

Sailor Jupiter: (walks back into the building and into the ring wiping the dust off her hands) Ok, we won!

The Sailor Scouts: (walk out of the ring)

Super Sailor Moon: (goes back to the control tower) (enters the control tower as Serena)

Hermione: Uh...well...looks like that concludes another exciting episode of...

Bulma: (runs to Serena and hugs her tightly) 

Bulma and Serena: Celebrity Deathmatch—ANIME STYLE!


	3. Default Chapter Title

Celebrity Deathmatch—Anime Style! Chibi Goku VS Goten, Marron VS Pan, Bra VS Trunks

Bulma: And we're back for another very nice episode of...

Hermione: Celebrity Deathmatch—

Serena: ANIME STYLE! I'm not fighting again today, that's a good thing!

Bulma: Today we have only Dragonball Z characters fighting **smiles**

Hermione: Oh, you're real happy about that...

Serena: Ok, let's not fight, let's save it for the six fighters we have today!

Bulma: Ok!

Hermione: Well, anyway, our first round is Chibi Goku VS Chibi Goten! Though father and son, EXACTLY identical to each other!

Goku: (walks into the ring waving his tail from side to side)

Goten: Hi daddy! (enters the ring) (jumps at his father) THIS IS FOR MAKING ME DO MY HOMEWORK!!!

Goku: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Goten: (grabs Goku's tail and pulls it off)

Goku: HEY! 

Goten and Goku: (get into a big brawl) (get back into fighting stance)

Serena: HEY! We can't tell them apart!

Hermione: OH NO!!!

Bulma: THIS IS BAD!

Goku and Goten: (go at each other)

Bra: (jumps up from the audience) GOOOOOOO GOTEN!!!!

Goku and Goten: (keep fighting until only one is left standing)

Hermione: And our winner is......Bulma will tell you!

Bulma: WHAT??? Um...our winner is...um...the kid standing down there!

Serena: Yeah! Our winner is that kid! (points to ring)

Hermione: Ooooooooooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.........well, our next round will be Marron VS Pan! They have fought verbally for years over their beloved Trunks!

Trunks: (yells from the audience) WHAT???

Bulma: And now they will fight physically over my wittle boy!

Serena: ......

Marron: I'm only human...I'm going to lose my Twunkeez!

Pan: Hey! I made up the name 'Twunkeez!'

Marron: Well I'm using it!

Pan: FINE! 

Marron: Hey, actually, I think I like Goten a little better...

Bra: (jumps up from the audience again) WHAAAAAT??? (Jumps up onto the ring and beats the living shit monkeys out of Marron)

Pan: (walks into the audience and cuddles Trunks while the girls fight)

Bulma: WOW! It looks like our battle is Bra and Marron fighting over Goten instead of Pan and Marron fighting over Trunks! GOOOOOOOOOOOOO BRA!

Hermione: ....

Serena: ....

#18: (jumps into the control tower and beats the shit out of Bulma)

Bulma: AAAHHHHH!

Hermione: (whips our her wand) (mumbles some words)

#18: (turns into a refrigerator)

Bulma: Thanks for saving me!

Hermione: No problem...

Serena: (opens the refrigerator and gets out a coke) Just what I needed!

Bra: MY GOTEN!

Marron: Your...Goten....I'll...take....Trunks....(looks for Trunks in the audience)

Trunks and Pan: (exit the building and shut the door behind them)

Bra: HEY! Trunks and I were supposed to fight! Where the hell does he think he's going???

Marron: To have some fun with Pan...

Bra: I didn't need to know that...

Bulma: OH NO HE ISN'T!!!! I'd like for MY son to stay a virgin until he's married!!!!

Hermione: WOAH! CALM DOWN!

Serena: AAAHHHHH!!!!!

Videl: (enters the room holding Pan) (throws her into the audience)

Audience: YAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! A souvenier!

Trunks: (reenters the building)

Bra: (goes directly into fighting stance)

Bulma: Yeah...That ought to teach you to go out with girls when you're supposed to be fighting with your sister!

Trunks: Sorry Mom...I'll beat the pulp out of my sister like a good little ½ Saiyan...

Bulma: Good....

Bra: I have a surprise for you, Mom! (powers up) (goes Super Saiyan 4)

Trunks: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT????

Bulma: (faints)

Vegeta: (stands up from the crowd) MY DAUGHTER'S A HAIRY MONKEY!

Audience: (all stare at Vegeta strangely)

Vegeta: (sits down and pretends it didn't happen)

Bra: ROOOOOOOOOOOARRRRRR!!!

Trunks: (runs)

Bra: ROOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRR!!! **splat** (steps on her brother)

Trunks: ow....

Goten: YAY BIG HAIRY BRA!!!!!

Serena: EWWWWW!

Hermione: Now that's just plain nasty!

Janitor: (comes and sweeps Trunks off the stage)

Bulma: (wakes up) Oooo....My son? MY DAUGHTER!!! BRA!!!!!!!!!!!! (faints again)

Serena: That's the second time Bulma's fainted....

Hermione: **sigh** get her some water.

Serena: (opens up #18 and gets a water) (pours it on Bulma)

Bulma: Ooohhh....Go Bra....

Hermione: Well, that concludes today's very interesting episode of...

Serena: Celebrity Deathmatch—

Bulma: (silence)

Serena: BULMA!

Bulma: OH! Uh...ANIME STYLE!

Hermione: ....

Serena: ....

Bulma: (faints)


	4. Default Chapter Title

Celebrity Deathmatch—Anime Style! Shampoo VS Akane, Chibi Chibi VS Vegeta, Sailor Moon VS Yamcha

Hermione: Hello all! Welcome to another jam packed-with-adventure episode of—

Bulma: Dude, that was gay...

Hermione: I don't care, just say your line!

Bulma: Celebrity Deathmatch...

Serena: Anime Style! Dammit, why do we have to have that damn splitting of parts thing??

Bulma: I know, it's gay...

Hermione: Everything's gay to Bulma!

Bulma: ...

Serena: ....

Hermione: Well, it happens a lot in anime, so we should use it...

Bulma: I guess that's true..

Serena: We have a special guest host for today! If you remember way back to our first episode, he went insane and defeated both the Pokemon and Digimon characters landing him in the insane asylum. Now he has escaped, and he's back!

Hermione: Please welcome Son Goku!

Goku: Hi everyone!

Audience: HI GOKU!

Serena: ....

Hermione: ....

Bulma: ....

Goku: ????

Bulma: Ok...

Goku: Hey, where'd this refrigerator come from (gets a soda out of the refrigerator)

Hermione: Ummm...well.....we.....won it at a fair!

Krillin: (walks into the control tower) Hey, have you seen my wife?

Bulma: AH!

Serena: Umm...no, I'm sorry...I'm sure she'll turn up!

Hermione: Better go looking for her! (pushes Krillin out the door)

Serena: ....

Bulma: ....

Hermione: ....

Goku: ???

Goku: Did I miss something?

Bulma: YUP!

Serena, Hermione, and Bulma: (silent)

Goku: Well...are you going to explain?

Serena: Nope! Our first battle is between two of Ranma's many annoying fiancées. Please welcome Shampoo and Akane!

Akane: (enters the ring) Screw this battle! I want Ryouga! (leaves)

Shampoo: .....(leaves)

Serena: ....

Bulma: ....

Hermione: ....

Goku: ????

Bulma: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway...our next battle is between the Prince of Saiyans and the cutest character in Sailor Moon! 

Hermione: They are Vegeta and Chibi Chibi!

Chibi Chibi: (enters the ring) Chibi?

Vegeta: (enters) now, who do I have to fight?

Chibi Chibi: (walks over to Vegeta) (stares up at him)

Vegeta: (starts to smile but stops himself) Awwww—Oh! I mean...uh...YOU'RE GOING DOWN!

Chibi Chibi: (stares up at him with sad puppy eyes) Chiiiiibiiiiii (cries)

Vegeta: aaawwww! I'm sorry little cutie! Let's go get ice cream! (picks up Chibi Chibi)

Chibi Chibi: CHIBI! (kisses Vegeta on the cheek)

Vegeta and Chibi Chibi: (leave the building)

Serena: ...

Bulma: ...

Hermione: ....

Goku: ????

Serena: **cough** Well, maybe our NEXT battle will get us some ACTION! It is between me and Yamcha.

Serena: MOON COSMIC POWER!!!! (transforms into Sailor Moon)

Yamcha: Oh...woah....

Sailor Moon: (Jumps into the ring)

Yamcha: Dude, you landed on your feet!

Sailor Moon: YOU CHEATED ON MY BEST FRIEND YOU DICK WAD!!!!

Yamcha: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Sailor Moon: RAINBOW MOON HEART ACHE!! 

Yamcha: (turns to ashes)

Tien: (enters the ring and beats Sailor Moon up) YOU KILLED MY FRIEND!!

Sailor Moon: AAAAHHHH!!!! TUXEDO MASK! HELP!!!

Tuxedo Mask: You're on your own this time, Sailor Moon!

Audience: **GASP** YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!

Hermione: ...

Bulma: ....

Goku: ???

Sailor Moon: Once again...RAINBOW MOON HEART ACHE!!!

Tien: (turns to ashes)

Bulma: (jumps from her seat) WAHOO! GO SAILOR MOON!

Sailor Moon: (waves up at Bulma)

Bulma: Thank you!

Sailor Moon: (goes back up to the control tower) Don't mention it! (de-transforms)

Hermione: ....

Goku: ???

Serena: I'd just like to say, since we have extra time, that you two are the best co-hosts anyone could ever have...

Bulma and Hermione: aaaawwwww

Bulma, Serena, and Hermione: GROUP HUG! (hug)

Goku: **throws up** (gets some water from the refrigerator)

Refrigerator: MMFFF!

Goku: (jumps back) THAT THING JUST TRIED TO SPEAK!

Hermione: Ummm...no it didn't, silly! Remember, you came here from an insane asylum!

Goku: But I could have sworn—

Bulma: OK! That concludes another wonderful episode of...

Hermione: Celebrity Deathmatch...

Serena: ANIME STYLE!

Serena, Bulma, and Hermione: (hug each other) JA NE!


	5. Default Chapter Title

Celebrity Deathmatch—Anime Style! Bulma's fired???

Hermione: (starts to cry)

Serena: Awww...Hermione...don't worry...

Hermione: Well **sniff*, Bulma couldn't get us any fights for today...

Serena: So...she was....was....FIRED! (cries with Hermione) We're...oh Hermione, I can't go on! You announce it!

Hermione: Ok **sniff** We're going to pull people out of the audience to fight....

Serena: (toughens up) NO! I won't stand for this! Let's go protest!

Serena, Hermione, and the audience: (run out of the building)

Serena, Hermione, and the audience: (march around with signs) NO BULMA, NO PEACE! NO BULMA, NO PEACE! NO BULMA, NO PEACE!

Bulma: (walks up to the crowd) You guys are great...but don't worry about me...I'll try to get another job...

Hermione: NO! I know I never really show much kindness toward you, but this is ridiculous! We're nothing without you!

Serena: Well, we're something...but not much!

Hermione: Come back to us, Bulma!

Bulma: I wish I could...but the boss...

Serena: Hey! I'll fight the boss in today's episode to try and win you back on the show! HEY BOSS!

Boss: What is it???

Serena: I challenge you to a celebrity deathmatch! If I win, Bulma gets to come back and host with us! 

Boss: ....**sigh** silly girl...you'll never defeat me! I AM THE BOSS!!! MUWAHAHAHAH!

Hermione: ....

Bulma: I think the boss has finally snapped...

Hermione: Are you sure you wanna do this, Serena? I mean....look at him...he's...well...HUGE...

Serena: I can take him! 

Bulma: But if you kill the boss, who will be our new boss?

Serena: Someone smarter...

Hermione: Someone skinnier...a lot skinner...

Serena: How 'bout Luna!

Bulma: YEAH! LUNA! 

Luna: AH! Well...uh...I accept your offer, I guess...but if I agree to being your new boss, you have to let me be Mills Lane...

Hermione: Agreed!

Bulma: Fine with me!

Serena: Sounds great!

Luna: Good! I've always wanted to say "Let's get it on!"

Hermione: ....

Bulma: ....

Serena: ....

Goku: ????

Hermione: !!!!

Bulma: Goku!

Serena: What are you doing here?

Goku: (shrugs) (walks away)

Serena: ....k

Boss: WAIT! You guys are all setting up a new boss and a Mills Lane...but Sailor Moon has not yet defeated me! And she never will!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Hermione: Oh yeah, he definitely snapped...

Bulma: That's cool...

Serena: ...

Luna: Can I still be Mills Lane for this match even if Sailor Moon didn't win yet? I've always wanted to say that "Let's get it on!" line...

Serena: I see no harm in that...

Hermione: Yeah! That'd be cool!

Bulma: No problem there!

Everyone: (goes back inside)

Serena: MOON ETERNAL MAKE UP! (enters the ring)

Boss: (enters the ring) 

Luna: Now, you two...ummm....there really aren't any rules as far as fighting goes....so....I'll say only this....LET'S GET IT ON!

Boss: (runs at Sailor Moon madly) BWAAAHAHHHAHAHAHAH! You are merely a hostess! But I...I am the great BOSS!!!

Sailor Moon: AAAH! (sticks out her foot)

Boss: (trips on Sailor Moon's foot and cries) WAAAH! THAT'S NOT FAIR!

Bulma: That's damn fair!

Hermione: YEAH! YOU POWDER PUFF!

Bulma: PANSY!

Luna: CREAMY GOODNESS!

Sailor Moon: ....

Luna: (smiles)

Boss: I'm not a pansy...(cries more)

Sailor Moon: It's time to finish this and win Bulma back...not to mention a new and better boss and a Mills Lane! Here we go! STARLIGHT HONEYMOON THERAPY KISS!

Boss: (turns to dust, but very very slowly)

Bulma: WAHOOOOOOO!! YIPPEE!!! SERENA SAVED MY JOB!!!

Luna: And gave me TWO!

Hermione: Why'd it take so long for him to vaporize?

Serena: (now de-transformed) Well, look at him...he's...HUGE!

Serena, Bulma, Hermione, and Luna: (burst into a large laughter, the kind that corny sitcoms end with) ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha....

Serena, Hermione, and Bulma: (all hug each other tightly) Thanks for sticking around! JA NE!

Terra, the photographer: (comes in)

Luna: (jumps into the picture behind the girls just before Terra takes the snapshot)

Terra: (snaps her camera)

(Picture Coming Soon)


	6. Default Chapter Title

Special: A Very Celebrity-Deathmatchy Sleepover

Bulma: (in pajamas) Well, we could only allow 100 people to be our audience today...

Hermione: (also in pajamas) Because today's episode is going to be a sleepover party!

Serena: (in pajamas as well) which is why we're dressed like friggen rejects...

Bulma: ....

Hermione: ....

Goku: ???

Bulma: GRRR! 

Goku: (runs)

Hermione: ....eh....now that we've gotten rid of....that problem....

Serena: We can continue with the show...

Bulma: Now, in the show of Pokemon, Officer Jenny and Nurse Joy are two sweet cousins. 

Hermione: Well, Jenny isn't AS sweet as Joy is...but she's still sweet...

Serena: In reality...Jenny and Joy are still cousins, but they are deadly killing machines, just like Pikachu.

Bulma: As we all found out in the first episode...

Hermione: Now, Nurse Joy and Officer Jenny will have an all-out battle to see which one is ACTUALLY the favorite...

Jenny: (walks onto stage in her pajamas)

Joy: (walks onto stage in a nightgown)

Brock: (faints)

Hermione: ...

Bulma: ...

Serena: ....

Goku: ????

Bulma: THAT'S IT! (whacks Goku with her microphone)

Goku: AH! (runs)

Jenny: Now you must die, evil cousin!

Joy: This is an all-out battle! So I can use my Pokemon against you!

Jenny: Me too! GOOOO GROWLITHE!

Bulma: What a surprise...

Joy: GOOOO CHANSEY!!

Serena: There's another big shocker...

Jenny: FIRE SOUL GROWLITHE!

Serena: (spits out the coffee she was sipping) WHAT??!!??

Growlithe: FIIIIIIIIIIIRE SOUL! (holds up paws for fire to burst out of them)

Chansey: (gets burnt) OW!

Hermione: Yes, Serena, they can both talk...

Serena: But Fire Soul is Sailor Mars's attaaaaaack! She's going to be—oh, she's here! Cool!

Bulma: What? Oh, hi Rei!

Rei: (jumps into the ring) MARS POWER MAKE UP! (turns into Sailor Mars)

Growlithe: AAAAAHHHH!!!

Sailor Mars: DIE EVIL ATTACK THIEF! BURNING MANDALA! 

Growlithe: (turns to dust)

Sailor Mars: (walks out of the ring)

Serena: (smiles)

Bulma: (smiles)

Hermione: (smiles)

Goku: (rubs his head in pain) DUDE! THAT GIRL'S WEARING A NIGHTGOWN! (stares)

Joy: Get him, Chansey...

Chansey: (jumps up into the control room and beats the living (censors) out of Goku)

Goku: (unconscious)

Bulma: Well, since Chansey rid us of our biggest annoyance, and Growlithe is unable to battle...

Hermione: Because he's dead...

Bulma: Joy is our winner!

Joy: (smiles happily and runs off of stage)

Jenny: (storms away)

Bulma: Hehehehehe!

Serena: =^_^=

Hermione: (puts on the radio) (The song, Baila by Jennifer Lopez is on)

Serena: Baila so come on baby, Baila...

Hermione: Leeeeeeeeeeeeeet's break all the rules, come on baby, me and you!

Bulma: ....

Goku: (still unconscious)

Hermione: (laughs hysterically at Goku)

Bulma: Now, our next battle is between Chibi-Usa and Skuld!

Chibi-Usa: (walks onto stage)

Skuld: (walks onto stage)

Chibi-Usa: MOON PRISM POWER MAKE UP! (turns into Sailor Chibi Moon)

Skuld: (runs and hits Sailor Chibi Moon over the head with her hammer)

Sailor Chibi Moon: OW!!! (hits Skuld over the head with her moon stick)

Skuld: OOOOW!!!! 

Sailor Chibi Moon: You little, mother (a loud bleep is heard from the control tower)

Bulma: (hits her gameboy, the source of the bleep) Damn thing froze!

Gameboy: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Hermione: (covers her ears) MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!!!

Serena: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Bulma: (shuts off her gameboy) There

Hermione: ....

Serena: ...

Goku: (still unconscious)

Sailor Chibi Moon: ....

Skuld: ....

Sailor Chibi Moon: AAAANYWAY...TWINKLE YELL!

Skuld: AH! (dodges)

Sailor Chibi Moon: Damn!

Serena: AY! 

Skuld: YAAAAAAAAAH! (hits Sailor Chibi Moon over the head, knocking her out)

Sailor Chibi Moon: (unconscious) 

Skuld: YIPPEE! BIIIIIIDAH! I WON!!! (waits for Serena, Bulma, and Hermione to announce her victory)

Serena, Bulma, and Hermione: (have been watching Happy Gilmore since the start of this battle) HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHA! **stop laughing**

Serena: MY DAUGHTER!

Bulma: !!!!!!

Hermione: .....

Goku: (unconscious)

Serena: ...Well....it looks like Skuld wins...

Medics: (come in and take Sailor Chibi Moon away)

Serena: **whimper**

Bulma: It's ok...

Hermione: ....

Goku: (gets up)

Bulma, Hermione, and Serena: (stare at Goku)

Goku: (falls back down)

Bulma: ...

Hermione: ....

Serena: ....

Goku: (unconscious yet again)

Bulma: Weeeeeeeell...we're sorry to say that there will only be two battles in tonight's episode...

Hermione: Well, there already has BEEN...two battles...

Serena: Yeah...there has already been two battles...because we're tired...

Bulma, Serena, and Hermione: (fall asleep)


	7. Default Chapter Title

Celebrity Deathmatch—Anime Style! "I Challenge You!"

Hermione: Hello everyone!

Serena: We're here with a very interesting episode of Celebrity Deathmatch, today!

Bulma: Oh yeah! (rubs her hands together evilly)

Hermione: Er...yeah, well, we have a few fights today that were formed by a challenge instead of by Bulma!

Bulma: My day off! WAHOO!

Serena: Our first battle is Luna VS Goku!

Hermione: Let's take a look at how this battle got started...

Serena: Bulma did her little 'spying on dinner parties' game again...except this one, as she says, was a little more interesting than our last one...

Hermione: Which was Darien VS Gohan...

Bulma: Roll em! (puts tape in)

__

Goku: (sitting at a table in a restaurant)

Luna: (walks in and sits down)

Goku: Well hello, Luna! You look very nice today!

Luna: Thank you, Goku (smiles)

Goku: WAITER!

Luna: Do you have to yell?

Goku: Yeah, in this restaurant you do...

Luna: Oh, well if you're going to yell, do it right! (inhales)

Goku: ?

Luna: WAAAAAAAAITERRRR!!!!

Waiter: (comes running over) Yes, Miss?

Luna: Get us some water, please...

Waiter: (goes to get water)

Goku: **blink** **blink** Wow, you're a loud person...

Luna: Well, it's nothing...

Goku: I could never yell like that...

Luna: You probably suck at a lot of other things too...

Goku: Yeah—Hey wait a minute!!!

Luna: What?

Goku: Alright girl, you've gone far enough! I know I risked getting caught by Chi Chi to go out on a date with you, but now you've insulted my pride! I cheated on Chi Chi only to get insulted by a girl with abnormal amounts of purple hair!

Hermione: ....

Serena: ....

Bulma: .....

Goku: (blush) Heh..heh....hehhhh.....

__

Luna: Alright, you wanna take this to the death ring, big boy?

Goku: You're on!

Bulma: (takes out tape) Priceless...I'm never selling this baby...

Serena: Nooooooooooo....

Hermione: Er...well, here they are!

Luna: (comes into the ring punching her fist into her other hand) Where is that Pansy?

Goku: Right here!

Serena: ...

Hermione: ...

Bulma: (bursts out laughing)

Luna: (runs at Goku and punches him in the mouth)

Goku: OOOW!!! (holds his jaw in pain) DAMN WOMAN!

Luna: MUWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Serena: (yells in a very shrill voice) GOOOOO LUNA!!!

Hermione: (holds her ears) aahhh.....**twitch** 

Bulma: (is still laughing)

Luna: (punches Goku in the stomach)

Goku: OOOOOW!!! (falls to the ground)

Luna: (smiles evilly) (kicks him in the **HOLY SH*T!!!**)

Goku: AAAAAH!! Uncle! Uncle!

Luna: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WON!

Serena: Looks like Luna's our winner!!!

Hermione: Yep..

Bulma: And our next battle will be Rini VS Goten! Let's see how THIS one got started! (looks very proud as she puts the tape in)

__

Rini: Dammit, Goten! Don't you know how to play Monopoly???

Goten: NO!

Rini: Dumbshit...

Goten: AY!

Rini: What?

Goten: ....

Rini: .....

Serena: Short....

Hermione: But sweet!

Bulma: Damn sweet...

Rini: (yells in a shrill voice) I'M HERE!!!

Serena: (covers her ears) AH! Geez, Rini!

Hermione: **cough**

Bulma: Heh...I WONDER where she GETS it from...

Serena: Yeah! You'd think her mom was some sort of ditz!

Bulma and Hermione: (start coughing uncontrollably)

Bulma: (clears her throat) Hm...anyway...

Goten: I'm here to...

Rini: Gimme you're best shot!

Goten: KAMEHAMEHAAAA!

Rini: (is unconscious) 

Goten: That ought to teach you to insult my Monopoly techniques!

Rini: Mommyyyyy....

Serena: MY DAUGHTER! (faints)

Bulma: (fans Serena with a piece of paper she recovered from absolutely nowhere)

Hermione: Our final battle is between me and Trunks! We don't have a tape of how this got started, so I'll tell you...Well, apparently, Trunks thought I was Marron and slapped me when I asked him how old he was...

Bulma: Geez...guys these days think that if a girl asks them a simple question, they're hitting on them...

Hermione: Well..**cough** I was....kind of...hitting...on...him....but that's not the point...

Serena: (is still unconscious)

Hermione: (hops down into the ring)

Trunks: (enters the ring)

Hermione: (laughs evilly)

Trunks: What?

Hermione: (holds up her wand)

Trunks: Holy sh*t!

Hermione: RABBITULA!!!!

Trunks: (turns into a bunny-wabbit)

Bulma: Aaawwwwww! MY SON IS A BUNNY!!!! THAT'S SO CUUUUUUTE!

Serena: (still unconscious, but if she were awake, her reaction would be "....")

Pan: NOOOO! You turned Twunkeez into a wab—I mean Rabbit! (attacks Hermione)

Hermione: RABBITULA!!!

Pan: (turns into a bunny-wabbit and hops off with Twunkeez)

Hermione: I win...

Bulma: ....Great, now I'll have millions of bunny grandchildren...

Hermione: Yep...don't bother to thank me...

Bulma: I wasn't planning to....

Serena: (wakes up) Wah...?

Bulma: Well, that's all we have for today!

Hermione: Hope you enjoyed the show!

Serena: Ja...ne....(faints again)


	8. Default Chapter Title

Celebrity Deathmatch—Anime Style!: Has the World Gone Insane??

Hermione: Hello all!

Serena: nnnnnnnggggg....

Bulma: Uh, you'll have to excuse Usagi-chan...she's very tired.

Serena: nnnnnnggggg...

Hermione: Yeeeeeeeeeeahhhh....aaaaaanyway....

Bulma: Today's show isn't going to be as interesting as the others because our fighters are actually quite sane...

Hermione: Yeah, usually we have....all these people who are all blood-thirsty and everything...

Bulma: Ginyu people and Sailor people getting married....

Hermione: Exactly...

Serena: nnnnnnnnnggggggg...

Bulma: Serena, why don't you get up and challenge some people in the audience or something...

Serena: nnnnnnngggggg...

Hermione: We need fighters! All we have are these people who barely want to fight!

Serena: Fffffffine...(walks down into the ring)

Piccolo: I'll fight you, Sailor Moon!

Serena: Too tiiiiiired...

Piccolo: No, dammit! Fight me, girlie!

Serena: GIRLIE????

Piccolo: ???

Serena: You're so sure you can defeat me?

Piccolo: Yeah...sorta....

Serena: Alright...then...(laughs evilly) 

Piccolo: ????

Serena: SPLIT FORM!!!!

Bulma: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT????

Hermione: (chokes on nothing)

Serena: (splits in two)

Serena 1: Hahaha! Let's see if you can beat BOTH of us!

Serena 2: Yeah!

Piccolo: ???????????

Serena 1: Muwahahahhahaaaa!

Serena 2: Hey! I have an idea! SPLIT FORM!

Bulma: (faints)

Serena 2: (splits in two)

Serena 3: Hideeho!

Hermione: (faints)

Luna: Uh....(grabs the microphone) Well, isn't this interesting!

Serena 3: SPLIT—

Serena 1: NO YOU RETARD!

Serena 3: FORM!!! (splits in half)

Serena 4: Would you like some meat...on a stick?

Serena 1: ....

Serena 2: You've created a monster!

Serena 3: Yeah, I guess so...

Serena 4: Would you like some soap....on a rope?

Serena 1: Now we have a problem...

Serena 2: Yep...

Serena 3: Sorry...

Serena 1: You should be sorry, you dipwad!

Serena 4: Would you like some fish...on a dish?

Serena 1: WOULD YOU SHUT THE HELL UP???

Luna: Now that's just messed up SOOOOOOOO much...

Serena 2: Ok, first we'll beat this guy...then we'll try and fuse back together.

Serena 1: Right.

Serenas 1, 2, and 3: MOON CRYSTAL POWER!!! (transform into Sailor Moons)

Serena 4: Would you like some....finger lickin' chicken?

Serena 1: (smacks Serena 4 upside across the head)

Serena 4: Would you like some pork...on a fork?

Serena 3: AAAAHHH! (pulls out some of her hair)

Serena 1: .....calm down, dude...

Serena 3: AAAAAAHHH! (pulls out more hair)

Serena 4: Would you like some ham...in a can?

Serena 1: (whacks Serena 4 over the head with her Scepter). There, now that's done!

Serenas 1, 2, and 3: MOON SCEPTER ACTIVATION!!! 

Piccolo: (turns to dust)

Serena 1: (reattaches herself to 2)

Serena 1: (reattaches herself to 3)

Serena 1: (walks over to 4 and steps into her)

Serena: **sigh** there!

Bulma: (is still unconscious)

Luna: (sips her coffee as if nothing happened at all)

Hermione: (wakes up) What happened...?

Luna: Serena split into four forms, one of which kept asking if people wanted meat on a stick, pork on a fork, etc...

Hermione: (faints again)

Luna: **sigh** I'll get them some water...Goku you take over...

Goku: ??? Uh! Ok....Well...uh...ummm....er....eh...mm....

Bulma: (wakes up) GIMME THAT! (grabs the mic away from Goku)

Hermione: (gets up) **yawn**

Serena: (reenters the control tower) Hi, guys!

Bulma: (blinks)

Hermione: (faints again)

Serena: ...

Luna: ...

Goku: ????

Piccolo: (dust)

Gohan: Where's Mr. Piccolo???

Luna: Uh...nowhere, dear...now go away now!

Gohan: Ok!


	9. Default Chapter Title

Celebrity Deathmatch—Anime Style!

Hermione: **sigh** here we are with another day of strange, queer...and just all-over INTERESTING events...

Bulma: Yeah...**cough**

Serena: Why can't we all just have a regular normal show??

Hermione: Yeah! I mean...we have a refrigerator that was originally an evil-cyborg-gone-good...

Krillin: What's that?

Serena: Nothing!

Bulma: Yeah...and we have Goku who never has any idea what the hell is going on...ever...

Goku: What? Huh? Did someone say my name? What are we doing?

Bulma: I rest my case...

Serena: Then we have Bra turning into a giant, bigass monkey...

Hermione: And to top it all off, we have three lovely hostesses who are—

Bulma: FREEZING THEIR ASSES OFF!!!!

Serena and Hermione: (stare at Bulma)

Bulma: **cough**

Hermione: a...and extremely bored....

Bulma: Yeah..

Serena: Yep...

Goku: ????

Bulma: (smacks Goku)

Hermione: Ok, now we will have our first "battle..."

Bulma: My foot and Goku's ass!

Serena: Ehhhh....no, not really...

Hermione: It is between...people...

Bulma: ....

Serena: Do we even HAVE any battles for today??

Hermione: N-no...

Bulma: GOD DAMMIT!

Serena: ....

Goku: ????

Bulma: (shoves Goku in the refrigerator) There, that'll do!

Hermione: ...

Serena: ...

Goku: MPHPHMMPHPPH!!!

Bulma: (kicks the refrigerator) SHUT THE HELL UP IN THERE!

Goku: (sits still)

Hermione: So...what are we going to do about the show?

Bulma: Yeah...we're wasting time...

Serena: Half of our audience is gone...

Hermione: Let's ask them what they want!

Bulma: (yells into the microphone) You guys get to pick today's battles!

Audience: (cheers)

Audience: Moonlight Knight VS Tuxedo Mask!

Darien: How the @#$% do you expect me to do that???

Serena: HEY DARIEN! DO THE SPLIT FORM THING LIKE I DID!

Bulma: WAIT! 

Hermione: You know how much sheer hell that caused—

Darien: SPLIT FORM!

Hermione: GOD DAMMIT!

Bulma: Hermione cursed! (claps)

Hermione: ....shut up...

Darien 1: (enters the stage)

Darien 2: (follows)

Darien 1: Umm...I'm gonna....kick my own ass....I guess...

Darien 2: Yep...

Dariens 1 and 2: .......

Darien 1: This is awkward....

Darien 2: Yep...

Serena: ...

Hermione: ....

Bulma: ...

Goku: MMPHHPHHHHPHP!!

Bulma: (bangs her fist on the refrigerator) SHUT THE HELL UP!

Darien 1: Ummm...

Darien 2: ...

Darien 1: Let's go get some pizza...

Darien 2: Ok!

Dariens 1 and 2: (run off to get pizza)

Bulma: WHAT THE @#$% WAS THAAAAAT???

Hermione: Dammit, we lost another good battle!!

Serena: Everything always gets @#$%ed up in this show!!

Bulma: But people keep loving it...so I guess we're doing something right...

Hermione: True...

Bulma: And you cursed again before..

Hermione: Shut up...

Serena: ....

Goku: MMMMMmmmmmmpphhhhh...

Bulma: (opens the refrigerator)

Goku: (looks happy to get out of the refrigerator)

Bulma: (takes out a soda and closes the refrigerator)

Goku: ???

Bulma: Welllll......our next battle...**cough** will be between Shenlong and Porunga...

Serena: The two Dragons of the Dragonballs...

Hermione: And blah dee blah dee blah dee blah dee blah...

Bulma: I'm bored...

Serena: Me too...

Dende: (brings out the Dragonballs and calls Porunga)

Porunga: GRR! I'm scary!

Serena: ....

Goku: MMMMPPPH!!

Bulma: I'd throw that refrigerator out the window right now...but it's a nice refrigerator...

Goku: MMMMMPPPPPH!

Hermione: Where are the Earth Dragonballs people??? We need to start this battle!

Kami: (brings out the Earth's Dragonballs and calls Shenlong)

Shenlong: Who has summoned me....?

Serena: Um...you're fighting....not granting wishes...

Shenlong: Dammit, you woke me up and no one has a wish??

Goku: (muffled voice) Actually...

Bulma: (throws the refrigerator out the window)

Goku: AAAAAHhhhhhhhhh **fades**

Bulma: Sorry...had no choice....

Hermione: Great, now we need a fridge...

Bulma: How 'bout you turn Goku into one??

Goku: AAAHHHHH! (runs)

Serena: ....Someone just go down there and get #18...

Porunga: (throws the refrigerator back up to Serena)

Serena: Thanks!

Shenlong: You always have to show off to the cute girls, don't you??

Porunga: I was just giving them back their refrigerator!

Serena: Great...these Dragons have crushes on me...

Porunga: All three of you actually...

Hermione: Keep talkin' and we'll have two more refrigerators to add to our collection!

Porunga: (shuts up)

Shenlong: Hahaha, you made an ass out of yourself in front of the pretty girlies!

Bulma: GIRLIES???

Hermione: Dammit, one last sexist comment and you're both joining #18 in the wonderful land of the Celebrity Death Refrigerators!

Serena: ...

Goku: I'm too sexy for my orange training outfit...too sexy for my training outfit...too sexyyyyyy it hurts!

Bulma: That guy...

Hermione: He's goin' down!

Serena: Let's see what do we need in here....?

Hermione: A nice houseplant would be nice..

Goku: I'm going! (runs)

Porunga: Can we get this battle going???

Shenlong: (twiddles his....uh...thumb-like structures)

Bulma: Fine, fine! Fight then, already!

Shenlong: WAAAAAAAAAH!

Porunga: WAAAAAAAAAH!

Serena: ...

Shenlong: Everyone wants to make wishes from me, so NYAH!

Porunga: No, ME! And I'm scary, GRRR!

Bulma: (chucks her Danish at Porunga) 

Porunga: WAAAAAAAAH!!!!

Shenlong: WAAAAAAH!!!

Serena: ....

Hermione: I'll just...read my book...

Serena: What book?

Hermione: How To Keep Yourself Busy While Two Dragons Are Supposed To Be Kicking Each Other's Asses But Aren't.

Serena: Oh.

Bulma: ...

Hermione: You wanna just make wishes so they can get the hell out of here???

Bulma: Yeah...

Serena: So we have three wishes for Porunga and one for Shenlong...

Bulma: So what do we wish for?

Hermione: (thinks)

Bulma: hmmmmmmm....

Serena: uuuuhhhhhh....I wish I was a Saiyan!

Bulma: ???????????

Hermione: WHAT!?!?!?

Porunga: Your wish has been granted....

Serena: (grows a tail) KICK ASS!

Bulma: (stops herself from fainting)

Hermione: Well, we can each make a wish from Porunga...I guess...So...I wish for...A BOYFRIEND!

Bulma: Hermione....wish for a boyfriend??? NO WAY!

Hermione: (smiles)

Porunga: Your wish has been granted....

Radditz: (appears in front of Hermione)

Bulma: AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!

Serena: Dude! Another Saiyan! Howdies!

Hermione: YOU'RE my boyfriend???

Radditz: Guess so!

Hermione: (faints)

Bulma: Uh...I guess I'm next...What should I wish for...?

Audience: WORLD PEACE!

Bulma: No, dammit! If there was world peace, our show would be cancelled by a bunch of pacifists!

Serena: ...

Bulma: I wish for...Vegeta to leave so I can have another boyfriend...

Porunga: Your wish has been granted...

Vegeta: Hey, what the @#$%??? I can't stop walking!! (walks out of the building)

Bulma: ...

Porunga: He's going to China...

Bulma: Oh, cool!

Porunga: Bye... (leaves)

Shenlong: Now...I'll grant a wish...

Serena: LET ME MAKE ONE MORE PLEASE!

Bulma: Uh..ok!

Hermione: Sure, Serena!

Serena: I wish for my mother to be alive again!

Shenlong: Your wish has been granted...

Queen Serenity: (appears in the control room)

Serena: MOMMY!

Serenity: Where the @#$% am I???

Serena: Hi mom!

Serenity: Where the @#$% am I???

Hermione: Well, that concludes another great episode of—

Serenity: Where the @#$% am I???

Bulma: Celebrity Deathmatch—

Serenity: Where the @#$% am I???

Serena: Anime Style!


	10. Default Chapter Title

Celebrity Deathmatch—Anime Style! The After Hours

Goku: (looks around to make sure no one's there) (grabs the mic) **sings** GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO CARRY ON!!!! WITH ALL OUR LOVE WE CAN'T GO WRONG! ONLY TOGETHER WE FACE THE FI-IGHT! NOTHING CAN STAND AGAINST OUR MI—

Bulma: Goku...

Serena: What in the name of Kami-sama are you doing??

Goku: AHHH! Hey! What are—uh—you girls doing here—this late at night???

Hermione: (stares) We live here...

Goku: YOU DO??

Bulma: Yeah...we sleep here...this is our new home...

Serena: Now that we run the show, we have a bunk-room here.

Goku: And you all sleep there at night?

Hermione: One big room, three beds, a kitchen, two bathrooms, you get the idea.

Goku: Three beds? One for each?

Bulma: ...No, we all sleep in one bed and leave the other two empty so wandering outsiders can come in through the window and get comfy...

Goku: Oh! Cool!

Serena: ...We were being sarcastic, dumbshit!

Goku: Oh...woops!

Bulma: **sigh**

Serena: Uhhh...k?

Hermione: Well, now that you went and woke us up...what are you planning to do about it??

Goku: Uhhh...sing you a lullaby??

Bulma: **snicker** seems like you were preparing to do that anyway...(looks at the microphone in Goku's hand)

Goku: AH! (throws mic)

Serena: Weeeelll....what are we going to do now that we've all been woken up and are probably not going to be able to get back to sleep having been disturbed to great hights by Goku singing into our mic?

Hermione: I don't know...

Goku: Hey! Let's play Spin the Bottle!

Bulma: Perv...

Serena: WE all have boyfriends now! 

Hermione: Yeah...and your brother wouldn't like it if I played Spin the Bottle with you...

Serena: Well...seriously now...what do you want to do??

Bulma: I'll be all wrinkly before I hit 24!

Hermione: Actually if you watch Dragonball GT tapes, you're like 40 and you don't have a single wrinkle...

Bulma: Really??? Cool!

Serena: What about me?

Hermione: Well, you're 16 in Super S...so you don't and shouldn't have wrinkles...

Serena: ...

(outside it starts to snow)

Hermione: Hey! Look out the window!

(oops, my mistake...it's hailing...)

Goku: (runs outside) YAAAAY SNOOOOW!! **BANG** OW!!!! **POW** AAHHH!!! (runs back inside)

Serena: ....

Bulma: Well, going outside is out...

Hermione: So what are we going to do, NOW??

Serena: Let's see if Luna's up...

Goku: (grabs the mic again) LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNAAAAA!!!

Luna: (walks in) What the @#$% is the @#$%ing problem???

Hermione: (faints)

Bulma: **GASP** Luna! You know what too much cursing does to Hermoine!

Luna: Oops...didn't know you girlies were in here...

Serena: GIRLIES????

Bulma: ....

Serena: Maybe I'll shampoo my tail...(gets out a basin of water and begins to scrub her new tail)

Goku: (stares) Wow...an actual full-blooded Saiyan female...

Serena: ....

Bulma: (whacks Goku over the head with a frying pan) Stop ogling my friend, dammit!

Goku: OW! DAMMIT! First some hail-stones now a PAN!

Pan: (walks in) someone call me?

Goku: Pan?? What are you doing here??

Pan: I came to bother Serena...

Serena: mmm....

Bulma: Little brat...

Serena: Little brat that's cuter than me...

Goku: Who says???

Hermione: Is there ANY way we can keep this pimp from cheating on Chi Chi??

Chi Chi: (walks in)

Serena: There's ONE way...

Bulma: I know another way! (whacks Goku over the head with a frying pan again)

Goku: ...hi Chi Chi...

Chi Chi: **sexy voice** Hi yourself...big boooy...

Pan: (pukes)

Luna: eeeewww....(gets a mop and sweeps it up) (Puts the dirty mop in Serena's soapy basin)

Serena: Awww! Now I can't shampoo my tail anymore! It's all pukey! Thanks a lot, Luna!

Luna: You're welcome!

Serena: ...

Hermione: (wakes up) Well, there's a way to get back to sleep...

Luna: ...

Bulma: Oooookkk...

Chi Chi: ...So now that the room's flooded with people...

Serena: What in the name of God are we going to do??

Pan: I dunno...lez listen to Mandy Moore...

Goku: AAAAAAHHHH!

Luna: I'm up for Mandy Moore...

Goku: WHY???

Bulma: Because we are trying to make you leave.

Hermione: So we can have a sleepover party.

Goku: ...but I was here first...

Bulma: And you weren't supposed to be!

Goku: ...that's true...

Serena: (looks at the clock) It's 6:00 AM! Let's get to sleep, people!

Hermione: Fine with me...

Everyone: (goes to their homes to sleep)

Goku: (looks around in the halls to make sure everyone has left)

Goku: Hehe, cost is clear...(grabs the microphone again)

Goku: (clears his throat) **Sings** WE'RE FLYING ABOOOOOVE THE CLOOOOOOOOUDS, SO BEAUTIFUL AND CLEAR! WE'RE—

Luna: (laughs hysterically as she runs away)

Goku: Ah screw it! (leaves)


	11. Default Chapter Title

Celebrity Deathmatch—Anime Style!: Our Favorite Transexual DJ

Serena: Hello again!

Hermione: Sorry for making you wait for the next episode!

Bulma: But we're all lazy-ass pigs who find fulfillment in watching you all suffer in suspense...

Hermione: .....

Serena: Well...today, yet again, we will be having bets as we did in our first episode. They will be taken by our own lovely Nabiki Tendo!

Hermione: Except maybe in THIS episode, one of the actual planned sides will win...

Bulma: Yeah...

Hermione: Anyway, we have another guest here to help us host the show.

Serena: She will be a battle DJ, meaning that he will choose appropriate songs for each battle.

Bulma: He should be here any minute now...

(silence)

Hermione: Well, we can't start the battle until he's here with the song...

Serena: Or she...

Bulma: Or she...

Boy-type Ranma: (enters the control room) Hiya!

Serena: Hideeho!

Bulma: Hello!

Hermione: Ah! Here he is! Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Ranma Saotome!

Ranma: Glad to be here.

Serena: Ok, now our first battle will be Amy Mizuno VS Kasumi Tendo!

Hermione: Two goody-goody little dweebs who care only about school.

Bulma: Like you should talk...

Hermione: Keep in mind that I have a wand, Bulma...

Bulma: Woops...yuuhhhh......

Serena: ...

Ranma: ???

Serena: Don't YOU start doing that now!

Ranma: Doing what??

Serena: **sigh** nothing...

Ranma: ...

Hermione: Well...

Bulma: Let the battle of the Teachers' Pets begin!

Kasumi: (enters the ring carrying Akane's mallet)

Sailor Mercury: (enters the ring)

Ranma: (puts on "Feel It" by the Tamperer)

Bulma: Uh...good choice, I guess...

Ranma: Well...what do you want? You want me to record a song called "Two Hot Homework-Doers Beating the Living Crap Out Of Each Other??"

Bulma: YEAH! DO THAT!

Hermione: ....

Kasumi: (swings Akane's mallet at Amy)

Amy: (blocks) (grabs Kasumi's ponytail)

Kasumi: AAH! YOU SKANK! LET GO OF ME!!

Soun: Watch your mouth!

Nabiki: GO KASUMI!!!

Akane: (stares) That's MAH mallet!

Ukyo: Der...when'd'you figure that one out?

Akane: Shut up...

Bulma: And they're off!

Hermione: Kasumi keeps swinging that mallet!

Serena: And missing!

Ranma: Wow, who woulda known that girl was so violent...

Serena: Really!

Kasumi: DIE YOU SLUT!

Sailor Mercury: YOU DIE YOU NASTY MALLET GIRL!

Serena: ....

Hermione: Well, this is getting interesting...

Ranma: What happens if the song ends?

(song stops)

Bulma: ...PLAY IT AGAIN!!!

Ranma: (plays it again)

Bulma: Hehehe, you know, it's hard having all girls here and then one boy...

Hermione: (stares)

Serena: Oooh! Hehe...YEAH Bulma...you're RIGHT!

Ranma: W-w-what are you saying?

Bulma: (takes out a squirt-gun)

Ranma: AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!! NOOOOO! NOT THE—

Bulma: (squirts the gun)

Girl-type Ranma: God dammit!

Bulma: MUWAHAHAHAHAH!

Ranma: Grr....

Kasumi: (nails Amy with the mallet)

Amy: AAAAAHH!!! (is unconscious)

Ranma: (shuts off music)

Bulma: (smiles at Ranma) Hehehehe..

Ranma: Don't look at me like that!

Hermione: Uh...

Serena: Looks like our winner is Kasumi!

Kasumi: (giggles and runs off the stage)

Ranma: Well, now that I'm a girl...what should I do?

Bulma: Continue! Femininity shouldn't stop you!

Ranma: Errrg...

Ryoga: (enters the control room)

Ranma: Oh great, just what I need.

Ryoga: Shut up...

Ranma: P-chan!

Ryoga: Dammit, Ranma, I said shut up!

Bulma and Serena: (squeal, run to Ryoga, and cling to him)

Ryoga: (blushes deep scarlet)

Hermione: (smiles)

Ryoga: (smiles back at Hermione, blushing deeper)

Hermione: (blushes too)

Ranma: Woah...Ok, stop blushing now people, this is getting creepy...

Bulma: (Throws a cheese-nip at Ranma)

Ranma: ....rrrrrr

Bulma: (smiles, amused, at Ranma)

Ranma: This girl is really annoying me...

Bulma: That's kinda the point, kiddo!

Ranma: ....

Serena: Ok, our next battle is going to be...

Ranma: Ranma VS Ryoga!

Hermione: What???

Ranma: You heard me...

Bulma: But our battle was going to be Mina Aino VS Belldandy!

Ranma: You crazy? No one wants to see that!! I wanna settle this thing with Ryoga here and now!

Ryoga: Yeah, that WOULD be nice...except for the fact that I have two teeny-boppers hanging off of my arm...

Ranma: Get offa him!

Serena and Bulma: (frown and let go of Ryoga's arms)

Ryoga: Thanks...(jumps down into the ring)

Ranma: (jumps down too)

Ryoga: **sigh** haven't people seen enough of us fighting?

Ranma: Who cares about the people. This is to settle who gets Akane.

Ryoga: Why do you care? I thought you hated Akane! Go with Ukyo!

Ukyo: Yeah! Go with Ukyo!

Ranma: ...

Bulma: (throws a chair at Ukyo)

Ukyo: **BANG** (gets hit with the chair)

Ryoga: ummm...ok...then...go with Shampoo!

Shampoo: Yeah! Ranma go with Shampoo! Is ok?

Hermione: (flips Shampoo off) EEEEEEEEEEEEHHH!

Bulma: (stares at Hermione wide-eyed)

Serena: Dude! Hermione's a badass!

Shampoo: AH! Shampoo no like crazy witch-girl!

Hermione: (throws Bulma's box of cheese-nips at Shampoo) Ah, shut up Amazon-girl!

Shampoo: **BANG** (gets hit with the box) OW! Shampoo hate! Shampoo kill!

Hermione: Quick! Something heavier!

Bulma: (hands Hermione a Dragonball)

Hermione: YAH! (chucks the Dragonball at Shampoo)

Shampoo: **BANG** (gets hit with the Dragonball)

Ranma: Ok, can we stop throwing things and get on with the fight?

Bulma: Awwww...but we like to throw things! 

Serena: We should have a whole show about throwing things!

Hermione: Ok, ok. If they want to get themselves hurt, then let them...

Bulma: Ooooohhh...does Hermione have a crush on one of them?

Serena: Gee, I sure hope it's not Ranma...cuz that's kind of...weird...

Hermione: Oh, shut up. It's not Ranma...

Bulma: OOOH! SHE LIKES RYOGA!

Akane: Doesn't everyone?

Serena: Well, yeah...

Bulma: Gee, I don't think Radditz is gonna be too happy about this...

Radditz: Where's this Ryoga guy?

Ranma: (points to Ryoga)

Ryoga: Dammit, Ranma!

Radditz: (grabs a bucket of cold water)

Ryoga: Oh, no..

Radditz: (throws it on Ryoga)

Ryoga: HEY! WHAT ARE YOU—BWEEEEE!!!! BWEE BWEEEE! (turns into a pig)

Ranma: (laughs hysterically)

Radditz: (takes P-chan and chucks him as hard as he can out the door)

Ryoga: BWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeee **fades**

Radditz: (walks away)

Hermione: Well, I guess we can forget the rest of the show...Belldandy and Mina already left...

Bulma: Yeah...that sucks...

Serena: P-CHAN! **sniff**

Hermione: Alright, well...I guess I'll see you all later! Bye-bye!

Bulma: Thanks for coming to the show!

Serena: P-chan! **sniff**

Hermione: ....

Serena: Oh, uh...bye!


	12. Default Chapter Title

Celebrity Deathmatch—Anime Style! 

Serena: And we're back!

Bulma: Like you all care...

Hermione: Yeaaahh....

Serena: Anyway...

Male-Ranma: Ahem...

Bulma: Oh yeah, and Ranma's back.

Ranma: Thank you. 

Akane Tendo: Um..hello?

Ranma: AKANE???

Akane: What the @#$@#@$@#$!@%!%$@! Are you doing here????

Ranma: I'm waiting to be tortured by three insane girls!

Akane: Oh....cool!

Bulma: Hm...yeah...

Shampoo: (enters, hitting Hermione with her elbow on accident) NIHAAAO!

Hermione: (gets smashed up against the window)

Bulma: hmm...

Serena: Hi Shampoo.

Akane: Oh yay..the skank's back.

Shampoo: Shampoo no like Akane.

Hermione: No shit.

Serena: ...

Ranma: There's not enough room in this tiny place.

Hermione: Maybe if Shampoo was a little smaller... (does a spell on Shampoo)

Shampoo: (shrinks) Shampoo?

Serena: What the...?

Shampoo: Shampoo! Shampoo!

Bulma: Oh my god! You turned Shampoo into a Pokemon!

Hermione: Oh shit!

Serena: You idiot! Why didn't you just pour cold water on her??

Hermione: I..don't know...

Shampoo: Shampoo!??!??

Bulma: Hey, I thought you said that all Pokemon can talk in real life!

Serena: Yeah! What's up with that??

Hermione: Well...I don't know...maybe it's just because Shampoo's already an idiot that can't speak English...

Shampoo: **twitch**

Bulma: Good point...

Queen Serenity: Hey, I found out where I was!

Serena: That's nice, Mom...

Queen Serenity: (looks proud of herself)

Bulma: Hmmm...

Genma Saotome: (enters control room) Son, what the hell are you doing here? Don't you have chores??

Ranma: Damn you, man!

Queen Serenity: (stares at Genma) who are you?

Genma: I'm Genma Saotome, Ranma's dad.

Queen Serenity: Oh...

Genma and Queen Serenity: (stare at each other)

Nodoka: (falls off a cliff and dies somewhere)

Hermione: ...

Bulma: And the point of that was....

Genma: Hey, wanna get married?

Queen Serenity: Sure!

Genma and Queen Serenity: (run off and come back ten minutes later) We're married!

Bulma: ....

Serena: (looks at Ranma) Aw shit...

Ranma: (looks back) Does this mean...

Serena and Ranma: NOOOOOOO!!!

Hermione: Oh my god! They're brother and sister! 

Akane: ...Yer quick...

Shampoo: Shampoo!!!!!!

Bulma: Aw shut up! (whacks Shampoo with the microphone creating a loud sound)

Audience: AAAAAHHHHH!

Bulma: ....woops...

Hermione: Hmmm....

Ryoga: (enters) Hello?

Ranma: No! Please! No more! No more! For the love of god! No more!

Bulma: (whacks Ranma with the microphone creating another loud sound)

Audience: AAAHHHH!!!!

Ranma: Thanks Bulma...I needed that...

Bulma: Well...do you need this? (sprays Ranma with her water gun)

Ranma: (goes female) God dammit!

Serena: Aaww....my sister! (hugs Ranma)

Ranma: Grrrr.....

Serena: (backs off)

Hermione: Ummm...have we forgotten that this is supposed to be a fighting show??

Bulma: Yeah, we're on page 3 already and there STILL hasn't been a fight!

Serena: Ok, ok.

Hermione: Akane, you do the honors.

Akane: (clears throat) Ok. Our first battle for tonight will be Gosunkugi VS Ranma.

Audience: AWWW!

Serena: I know, I know. You are all saying that you've seen enough of those two, right?

Hermione: Well, today, there may be a few....changes...in the way things turn out...hehehe.

Ranma: Welp, time to kick some ass (jumps down into the ring)

Gosunkugi: (enters the ring, shaking, carrying his mallet, nails, voodoo dolls, and a packet of matches)

Ranma: Hahaha!

Gosunkugi: What? You don't think I could beat you?

Ranma: Come on, Man. You know you could never beat me. I mean...you suck. You suck worse than Bulma.

Serena: Dood!

Bulma: I resent that!

Ranma: My point is, that this is going to be another easy win for me.

Gosunkugi: You seem so sure...

Serena: That's it! (stands up) KICK HIS ASS HIKARU!

Ranma: Hikaru?

Gosunkugi: That's my first name, ass!

Ranma: I never knew that...

Serena: Double dood!

Hermione: Ok, well can we get the fight started? It's getting late, ya know...

Shampoo: SHAMPOOOO!

Bulma: (gags Shampoo) there

Shampoo: SHMMBHSMBMBM

Hermione: Riiiiiiiight....

Serena: Ok, show him the stuff I taught you, Hikaru!

Gosunkugi: Right!

Hermione: That's right, audience! Little did you know that before this show got started, Serena had taken Hikaru in as a student! So far, Serena, Bulma, and I are the only ones who have seen Hikaru's new strength.

Bulma: But that's about to change!

Ranma: HAAAHHHHHH???????

Hikaru: Hahhaha! Finally I will have my revenge on you, Saotome! And Akane will be mine! BWAHAHAHAAA!

Akane: Wazzat?

Hikaru: **cough** uh...nuthin....

Serena: for god's sake, Hikaru, kick his ass already!

Hikaru: Ok! My pleasure! Hehehe...

Ranma: uhhh....Hiryuu Shoten Ha!!!!

Hikaru: (goes flying up into the control tower and shatters the window) (lands on Serena)

Serena: OW DAMMIT!

Hikaru: Sorry.

Serena: Get the @$@% off me and go fight him!

Hikaru: K! (jumps back down into the ring)

Ranma: Ok, man...you're not the only one who's been training...I learned a new attack too.

Hermione: WHAT??

Bulma: HEY! Who said HE could train??

Serena: Did any of you know about this??

Bulma and Hermione: (shake their heads from side to side)

Serena: DAYOMN! This may not end the way we'd expected!

Bulma: That's what we get for trying to fix this fight, ne?

Hermione: GO GET EM HIKARU! 

Hikaru: Alright...hehehe Yogan-ran Digidan!

Ranma: AH! (gets thrown back by his own Hiryuu Shoten Ha)

Toma: Hey! That's mah attack!

Bulma: (chucks a brick at Toma)

Toma: AH! (gets hit with the brick)

Hikaru: Now what??

Serena: Use that thing I taught you right before today's show!

Hikaru: Ok! Shishi hokodan!

Ranma: (gets blown into the audience)

Teeny Bopper From Audience: WOOHOO!! (cuddles Ranma)

Ranma: aahhhh ow...owwwww....

Hikaru: Woohoo is right!

Serena: No, DAYOMN YO is right...

Hermione: ...

Bulma: ....

Hikaru: (jumps up to the control tower) Akane...

Akane: huh??

Bulma: (stares)

Serena: Wow...now THAT was an unexpected turnout...

Hermione: You know, just because you defeated Ranma doesn't mean Akane's not engaged to him anymore...

Hikaru: It doesn't?? 

Bulma: No...the only way to steal a fiancee from Ranma would be to defeat the GIRL, but that only works in Shampoo's case.

Hikaru: gahhhh....

Shampoo: (turns back into a regular Shampoo) Shampoo no marry stupid nail man!

Hikaru: No one asked to marry you.

Mousse: except for MEEE! (gets hit with a brick that was, of course, thrown by Bulma)

Bulma: You know, I'M still single, Hikaru...

Hikaru: (backs away from Bulma slowly)

Bulma: Haha, yeah right.

Hikaru: ...Akaneee....

Akane: What the @%@# do you want??

Serena: You mean you don't know that Hikaru is madly in lo—(gets hit with a brick that was thrown by Hikaru this time)

Hikaru: **whimper**

Bulma: As strong as he is now, he's still just a little wimp.

Hikaru: Why must you girls always pick on me?

Hermione: Because you're vulnerable.

Serena: Yeah, man...

Hikaru: ...

Bulma: Well, that concludes another exciting episode of...

Hermione: Celebrity Deathmatch—

Serena: Anime Style!

Serena, Hermione, and Bulma: See you next time!

Ranma: (being carried away by the Teeny-Booper) HEEEELLLLPPP!!!!!!!!!!


	13. Default Chapter Title

Celebrity Deathmatch—Anime Style! What Else Could Possibly Happen??

Bulma: Nihao everyone!

Shampoo: Nihao Shampoo word!

Hermione: Nihao is a Chinese word, stupid!

Shampoo: Shampoo no care. Shampoo have copyright!

Serena: No you don't, you ass!

Shampoo: Shampoo no an ass!

Bulma: (throws a brick at Shampoo)

Shampoo: **BANG**

Serena: Thanks.

Bulma: No problem.

Hermione: Anyway, today we have a few battles you may enjoy.

Bulma: But first, we have a video.

Serena: As you all know, in the last episode, we found out that Serena had been training the scrawny little nothing named Hikaru Gosunkugi.

Hikaru: Ummm...my self-esteem...going...down...lower..and...lower...

Bulma: And, of course, I was there taping the entire thing!

Hermione: We would have shown this video in the last episode, but we didn't have time. And we wanted Ranma to be here to see it.

Serena: And, also as you all know, Ranma was being carried away by a teeny-bopper.

Bulma: Yes. Now, roll the film!

__

Film Starts:

Bulma: (behind the camera) Hi Serena!

Serena: Bulma! Shut that thing off!

Hikaru: (from a distance) AHH! STAY AWAY! 

Serena: What the @%@$% was that??

Hermione: I don't know! Let's go see!

Goku: Give me your lunch money!

Bulma: .....

Serena: ???

Hermione: Uh..

Serena: Goku, what in the name of all that's holy are you doing?

Goku: Being a bully.

Bulma: What you're BEING is an ass!

Goku: Dammit, I can't do one simple thing without you girls jumping at me and biting my head off, can I??

Bulma: Nope..

Goku: Step aside useless women! (raises his fist to strike Hikaru)

Hikaru: AHHH!

Serena: (throws a large stone at Goku's head)

Goku: **BANG** (falls over)

Serena: (stands in front of Hikaru with her arms out to the sides) **glare**

Goku: **whimper**

Bulma: pppffffaaaahahahhahahahaa!!

Goku: shut up

Hermione: hahahaha!

Goku: (runs away)

Hikaru: My heart...I think it stopped beating...

Hermione: That's impossible. If your heart stopped beating you'd be—

Hikaru: (falls to the ground)

Bulma: AAAAAHHH!

Serena: Dumbass! He's still breathing!

Hikaru: (gets up)

Bulma: DOOD!!!

Serena: Here weird-guy...I'll take you in and train you to do some kickass attacks I learned from people...

Hikaru: Ok...

Film Ends

Hermione: Now, wasn't that odd?

Bulma: Yep!

Serena: And that's how it all got started!

Hermione: Now, we're going to have our battles!

Hikaru: Self esteem...sinking...lower and lower...someone...one of you girls...help me...feeling like a sac of crap...Serena..help me—

Serena: Aaaaand here's our first battle!

Ranma: Hey Serena. Your little friend is dying of depression over here.

Serena: We know. Anyway, our first battle will be Ryoga VS Mousse.

Bulma: They aren't battling for any reason...just to entertain you all...

Vega: Wait just a minute!

Hermione: AAHH! Who the @$%@# are you??

Vega: I am Vega! I'm an altered Saiyan.

Ranma: A what now?

Vega: I won't bother to explain. Anyway, whenever you have gay battles that don't mean anything, people start to get angry! Including me! And when I get angry, it ain't purdy!

Bulma: Dood..

Hermione: Umm...ok, then why don't YOU fight Ryoga.

Ryoga: WHAT?? Wait...wait...um...she looks sorta...strong...an...I don't think I wanna...fight...with her—

Hermione: You'll fight who we @#$%ing tell you to!

Ryoga: (shuts up)

Vega: Get ready to die, piggy-boy!

Akane: What now?

Vega: Ohh...she doesn't know about your little problem...hehehe

Ryoga: How the @#%# do YOU know about my little problem???

Vega: (throws cold water on Ryoga)

P-Chan: Bwee...

Akane: AAAAH! Hey! P-chan! What the @#%$ are you doing out there? And where's Ryoga??

Ranma: (falls out of the control room)

Vega: Kicks P-chan into the air.

Hawk Eye (Vega's dog): (jumps up and catches him) (carries him away)

Neseiya (Vega's other dog): (Grabs Ranma and carries him away)

Ranma: Not again!

Serena, Hermione, and Bulma: (laugh hysterically at Ranma)

Vega: Any other pussies who wanna try me?

Mousse: Meee!!!

Bulma: Dood...

Hermione: Would you stop saying that!?

Mousse: (extends his arm out making one of his hidden yo-yos come out and attack Vega)

Vega: Dood...(catches the yo-yo and crumbles it in her hand)

Mousse: Haw, shit...

Bulma: DOOD!

Hermione: Ok, stop with the dood now...

Mousse: (pulls out another yo-yo)

Vega: What the hell is that???

Mousse: A-a yo-yo..

Vega: Aw screw this. KAME HAME HA!!!

Mousse: AAHHHHH!! (fades as he goes flying out of the building)

Serena: Ok...I guess that means our winner is Vega...

Hermione: Whoever the hell she may be...

Vega: I already told you! I'm an altered Saiyan!

Ranma: (yells from a distance) We don't know what the hell that is!

Vega: Dood! He's still alive! (runs to kill Ranma)

Ranma: (from a distance) Haw, shit... 

Serena: Uhhh...yeah....riiiiiight.....

Bulma: Hey, where'd Hikaru go?

Hikaru: (is a big puddle of low self-esteem on the floor) Help mee....

Hermione: Hehhh...

Bulma: Dooooood...

Janitor: (comes in and mops up Hikaru)

Serena: Riiiiiight....

Ranma: (comes flying into the control room in a mangled mess)

Serena: What the hell happened to you??

Ranma: She happened to me! (points wildly at Vega who is standing in the doorway with an evil look in her eyes)

Vega: Whom shall I mess up next?

Serena, Hermione, and Bulma: (hide)

Vega: Dood...

Akane: Hey! You messed up my fiance!

Vega: Do you think I care, lesbo?

Akane: Well...yeah..

Vega: Well you're damn wrong! And you know that guy Ryoga?

Akane: Yeah..

Vega: He's that little pig...

Akane: No he's not, silly...

Everyone in the control room: ....

Vega: Fine, be a dumbass for the rest of your life.

Akane: What now?

Vega: Nevermind...

Hikaru: (enters the control room again) Hi...my self-esteem is better now...but...why was I in the Janitor's pail?

Hermione: **cough**

Vega: Ok, this stupid freak is getting on my nerves!

Akane: Who??

Vega: You!

Akane: I'm not stupid!

Vega: Well you saw Ryoga transform into P-chan right before your eyes and you still don't realize that they are one in the same!

Akane: THEY'RE NOT!!!

Hermione: Dooohoood....

Bulma: See, now YOU'RE saying it!

Serena: ...

Hikaru: What the @#$@?

Vega: Ok, I'm finishing this now...(bashes Akane over the head repeatedly with her glaive)

Akane: Dood! **bang** Dood! **bang** Dooood! **bang** (unconscious)

Serena: Well...it looks like Vega is our main winner for today..

Bulma: Yeah, two battles...

Hermione: Well, many if you count Ryoga and Mousse.

Vega: Mousse was barely a battle.

Serena: True.

Hikaru: How about you fight me some time?

Vega: Nah, you're not worth it (walks away)

Hikaru: Nooo..self-esteem...melting again....(melts into another puddle of low self-esteem)

Hermione: Riiiiiiight...


	14. Default Chapter Title

Celebrity Deathmatch—Anime Style! 

Serena: AAAHHHHHH STAY AWAY FROM ME WITH THAT!!!!

Mousse: GET BACK HERE GIRL! (chases Serena with a bucket of water from the Spring of Drowned Kiwi)

Serena: I don't WANNA be a stupid little bird! GETTAWAY FROM MEEE!!!

Bulma: (throws a brick at Mousse)

Mousse: OOF! (drops the bucket of water, and it spills on some innocent guy in the audience)

Guy in the Audience: AHH! **SPLASH** (becomes a Kiwi)

Serena: Whew....thanks.

Bulma: No problem.

Hermione: Yeahh...Anyway, in today's episode, we will have our returning champion from the last show!

Serena: VEGA!

Vega: Bluuuuuudd....

Bulma: .....

Hikaru: Hey Vega, want a date?

Vega: Nah.

Serena: (stares at Hikaru weirdly)

Hikaru: I'M DESPERATE!

Bulma: Hmm...right....

Hikaru: **blush** oh shut up...

Hermione: Hehehe...you're pathetic.

Hikaru: ...

Serena: Awww...dun say daaaaat...(hugs Hikaru)

Hikaru: **blush** Thanks Serena...

Serena: Besides, if he's so pathetic, that means I'm a bad trainer!

Hikaru: ehh...self-esteem...melting....getting lower...can't...stooooppp....

Serena: ew....(drops the pile of mush that was once Hikaru)

Hermione: Well, Vega will be battling Nabi—

Nabiki: (unconscious in the ring)

Vega: Oh...I'm sorry...I wasn't supposed to start yet...

Bulma: ...or.....maybe not...

Serena: (pokes the Hikaru-mush with a stick) Hey...wake up...Dood...

Hermione: Uh...Riiiight...

Bulma: Now Vega will battle Gen—

Genma: oww....(falls unconscious)

Vega: Aw man...don't tell me I started too early again!

Serena: Well...yeah...but that's ok...(continues to poke Hikaru with the stick) We can find other battles to pass the episode by...

Hikaru: (returns to his normal self-esteem level and becomes a human again) Hey...why is she being so nice to you guys? Shouldn't she be...like...craving your blood or something??

Vega: Hey! What do you think I am?? Some kind of savage?? (licks Genma's blood off of her fingers)

Hikaru: (faints)

Vega: OOOH! HE'S FAINTED!

Serena: Sorry Vega...you can't eat my trainer...

Vega: I don't wanna eat him...I wanna kick him around...like a soccer ball...

Serena: Oh, ok. Go ahead then!

Vega: WOOHOO! (picks up Hikaru and throws him around)

Bulma: ....

Hermione: ....

Ranma: ??? Hey, why's that hot chick over there throwing your little friend around?

Hermione: Because she feels like it.

Vega: Heeey! Fresh meat! WOOHOO! (throws Hikaru into the audience)

Audience: Ewwww he's all mangled!

Vega: FIGHT ME, RANMA, FIGHT ME!!

Ranma: ehhhh...I'd rather not...

Serena: HAHA! RANMA'S AFRAID OF VEGA!

A dark man in a tuxedo: BUT I'M NOT! I'll fight you, Vega!

Serena: (eyes sparkle) TUXEDO MAAASK!

A dark man in a tuxedo: No...

Hermione: Oh no...don't tell me it's—

A dark man in a tuxedo: (tears off his tuxedo to reveal a—yellow shirt, khaki pants, and...and umbrella???)

Bulma: RYOGA!!!!!! (faints)

Hermione: God almighty, Ryoga! What the hell was that??

Serena: Wait...Ryoga..you already fought Vega!

Ryoga: No..P-Chan fought Vega...

Akane: SEE! P-Chan and Ryoga ARE different people!

Vega: ...

Serena: **sigh**

Ranma: Ok, if you'd rather fight this weak, umbrella-carrying homo, go right ahead..

Bulma: GGGGRRRRR!!! YOU DARE INSULT THE ALMIGHTY RYOGA!!! (attacks Ranma)

Ranma: AAHHH AAAAAHH!! SHE'S BITING MY FACE!!!! AAAAAHHH OOW MY HAAIR!! OOOW OOOWWW!!!! GET HER OFF OF ME!!! GET HER OFF OF MEEEE!!!!

Bulma: YOU DARE INSULT THE ALMIGHTY RYOGA!! YOU DARE INSULT THE ALMIGHTY RYOGA!!!

Ranma: AAAAHHH!!!! HELP ME!!!!! HELP ME!!!! SHE'S DRAWING BLOOD!!! HEEEELLLLLPPPP!!!!

Bulma: (stops)

Ranma: **sigh** thank you...

Bulma: (attacks Ranma again)

Ranma: AAAHHH!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! AW DAMN!!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! AAAAHHHHH HELP MMMMMEEEE!!!

Ryoga: Riiiiight...anyway...

Vega: Ok, time to kill you now. MASENKO HA! 

Ryoga: (pulls out his umbrella and tries to block)

Ryoga's Umbrella: (is torn to shreads)

Ryoga: Damn...that umbrella weighs at least 2000 pounds!

Serena: ...explain to me how the hell an umbrella made of bamboo can weigh 2000 pounds!

Ryoga: Don't ask me....

Vega: Ok, if you won't give...(pulls out a five yen coin) YOIKO NO TAISU STEP ONE! JA A YO TSU MA!!!!

Ryoga: Nooooooo...(has his energy sucked from him)

Hawk Eye: (carries Ryoga away)

Bulma: Noo....

Hikaru: (is being tossed around by the audience) aaahhhhhhhhhh..........hheeeelllllpppp...................self-esteemm....getting....lower........

Audience: ewww (throws the pile of Hikaru-mush up to the control tower) 

Serena: (catches Hikaru) **sigh** You need practice...

Hikaru: (nods) (turns back into a human)

Bulma: Dood, you gotta cut that self-esteem crap out.

Hermione: Yeah, it scares the audience away.

Half of the Audience: (leaves the building)

Serena: GOD DAMMIT!

Bulma: Uh oh! Speed things up here!

Vega: (beats up the leaving audience until they promise to stay for the whole episode)

Hermione: Uh...thanks...

Serena: Hey, Hikaru. How about I show you some new attacks so you can kick more ass.

Hikaru: Ok.

Serena and Hikaru: (leave the building)

Bulma: Dood! Who told her she could leave??

Hermione: She did (points to Luna)

Luna: Heh...

Bulma: Geez...Hikaru's been hanging around us like he—

Hermione: DONNNNNN'T FINISH THAT SENTENCE!!! THAT KID CREEPS ME OUT!

Bulma: Fine...

Vega: I wanna fight! I wanna fight! I wanna fight!

Hermione: Ok, ok! You can fiiiiight...

Kuno: I shall fight you, fair altered one!

Vega: Dood...

Serena: (walks back in)

Bulma: Hey, where's Hikaru?

Serena: He's out there practicing.

Hermione: Ok..well Kuno and Vega are going to fight.

Kuno: If you win, I shall allow you to date with me...

Vega: Ummm...I didn't ask to date with you...

Kuno: ......

Serena: Oooh...she's got him there!

Kuno: ......

Ranma: I think I'll go...this is getting dull...

Bulma: Oh no you don't! (pulls out her water gun, and sprays Ranma with it)

Ranma: (goes female) gggrrrr...

Kuno: PIGTAILED GIIIIIIIRL!

Vega: Pimp...

Hikaru: (teleports into the ring and hits Kuno over the head with a giant voo-doo doll)

Kuno: AHHH! **BANG** (falls unconscious)

Bulma: ....k...

Hikaru: I have no other need for my voo-doo dolls! I've given up on harming Ranma and dating Akane!

Akane: wuzzat??

Hermione: ......

Hikaru: I no longer have to harm people to get dates because I'm in love with a girl who is actually single!!

Bulma: Please don't be me...Please don't be me...Please don't be me...

Hikaru: Self-esteem...melting...

Bulma: AAAAAHH!! IT'S ME, ISN'T IT!!

Hikaru: NOO! I wouldn't love you if the entire world wanted me to!

Bulma: Self-esteem....melting...nooo....

Hermione: Uh....Hikaru....who ARE you in love with??

Hikaru: I'm getting to that...hold on...

Vega: AW SHIT! HE MUST LOVE ME!!

Hikaru: Of course not! I wouldn't love a blood-thirsty savage like you!

Vega: grrr...(attacks Hikaru)

Bulma: WAIT! We wanna know who he loves!

Vega: (stops)

Hikaru: Savage..

Vega: I'm not a frigging savage! (licks up Kuno's blood)

Hermione: Please tell us who you love before we have to guess!

Shampoo: HIKARU LOVE SHAMPOO!

Bulma: (throws a brick at Shampoo)

Shampoo: **BANG** (unconscious)

Hikaru: Ok, before more people get injured...(runs over to Serena) I love you!

Serena: ...................................................

Bulma: But Serena ain't single!

Hermione: Yeah...she has Darien.

Serena: Screw Darien! He never calls me anyway!

Darien: Self-esteem...melting...nooo....

Hikaru: So...does that mean you'll go out with me??

Serena: Hellz no! 

Hikaru: Self-esteem...melting...nooo...

Bulma: Well...there goes another fun-filled episode of Celebrity Deathmatch—Anime Style...(stares at Hikaru who is trying to hug Serena)

Hermione: uhh...see you next time (stares with Bulma)


	15. Default Chapter Title

Celebrity Deathmatch—Anime Style!

Serena: Go...awayyy...!!!

Hikaru: (tries to hug Serena)

Bulma: Damn...that's been going on since last episode!

Hermione: Would you two please stop it?!

Serena: Tell the horny bastard to stop trying to touch me!

Hikaru: (throws his arms around Serena, knocking her down)

Serena: (tries to wrestle Hikaru to the ground)

Hikaru: (tries to get up)

Hermione: STOP THAAAT!

Hikaru and Serena: (stop)

Bulma: Damn yo!

Ranma: Hehehe...my sister's horny...

Serena: I'm not your goddamn sister, and I'm NOT horny!!!

Ranma: Then why are you two on the ground.

Serena: (whines) GET HIM OFFA MEEEEEEE!!!!!

Hikaru: (gets up)

Ranma: ....

Hikaru: You insulted Serena. (punches Ranma)

Ranma: OOF! (falls over)

Hikaru: (latches onto Serena's sleeve)

Serena: (emits a strong battle aura)

Hikaru: (backs off)

Hermione: Why do we always have to go through some shit before we can battle?

Bulma: I don't know. But it's fun.

Hermione: Not really...

Ryoga: (enters the ring) Can I fight someone...?

Vega: WEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! (jumps onto Ryoga's shoulders and starts punching his head wildly)

Ryoga: AAAHHHHHHHH AAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vega: (pulls off Ryoga's bandana with her teeth)

Audience: **GASP**

Vega: (grabs Ryoga's umbrella and snaps it in half)

Audience: **BIGGER GASP**

Bulma: You all insulted Ryoga! DIIIIIIEEE!!!! (Attacks audience)

Audience: AAHHHH!!!!

Serena: (limps across the control room with Hikaru hanging off of her ankles)

Bulma: DIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!!!!

Hermione: STOP! You're scaring them!!!!

Bulma: Oh woops...I need to get my anger out....oh here we go! (attacks Ranma)

Ranma: DOOOOD!!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOO! SHE'S BITING ME AGAIN!!!! NOOOOOO! OH GOD NOOOOO!!! NO STAY AWAY!!!!!!!!! GET HER OFFA MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Serena: Riiiight (kicks Hikaru)

Hikaru: (goes flying)

Kaori Daikoku: Hey Tsukinoooooo, I'm stealing your boyfriiiiiend! (walks out of the ring with Darien)

Serena: He's not my boyfriend anymore! DARIEN IS AN ASS! AN ASS, YA HEAR ME??

Bulma: Down girl!

Hikaru: HAIYAH! (jumps on Serena from behind)

Serena: GYAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

Hermione: Well, this could take awhile...

Bulma: Yup...

Hikaru and Serena: (wrestle each other on the ground)

Audience: Eww....sick! (starts to leave)

Vega: GRRRRRRR!!!!!!

Audience: (stays in place)

Vega: (goes back to ripping Ryoga's hair out)

Ryoga: OW! PAIN! LARGE AMOUNTS OF PAIN!!! OW OW OOWW!!! OOOOWWWW!!!!

Hermione: Well...there are two battles going on at the same time...

Hikaru: PLEASE! JUST ONE DATE!

Serena: NO NO NO NO NO!!!!

(bangs are heard as Serena and Hikaru continue to wrestle)

Bulma: Stop it already!

Serena: Get him off meeeeee!!!!

Hermione: What the hell is the matter with you, Hikaru?

Bulma: He's messed up!

Hikaru: Nooo....meltinnnnng....self-esteem.....can't....hold....anymore............

Serena: Thaaaaaanks....I think....

Hikaru: Dammit! Even a single girl won't go out with me!

Bulma: That's because you're one f*cked up mother f*cker....

Hikaru: ...........

Hermione: He didn't melt!

Audience: **GASP**

Serena: ...if I go out with you ONCE will you leave me the hell alone?

Hikaru: ...................no.............................

Hermione: .............

Serena: Why the hell not???

Hikaru: Because I want a girlfriend...

Serena: Well......How about if I go out with you ONCE. If I have a good time...we can do it again...if I DON'T have a good time...you can get the hell away from me...k?

Hikaru: Ok, I guess that'll work.

Serena: **sigh** thank you, GOD!

Hikaru: .....

Bulma: He didn't melt, again!

Audience: **GASP**

Hermione: Four pages and still no battles! Except for weird ones that no one cares about!

Bulma: Well, the audience seems to like Vega tearing Ryoga apart, limb from limb...

Hermione: Well...that's good...

Vega: (picks up Ryoga by his legs and swings him around)

Ryoga: Diizzyyyyy.....nnooooooo......

Ranma: Hahahaha! 

Vega: (chucks her glaive at Ranma)

Ranma: DOOD!! (gets hit in the head with the glaive)

Bulma: HAHAHA!

Serena: (whispers to Hermione) Hey...how do you have a bad time on a date??

Hermione: Why are you asking me??

Serena: Because you're the queen of non-lasting relationships....

Hermione: ....Thhhaaaaankkkksss....

Hikaru: So where do you wanna go?

Serena: To hell and back...

Hikaru: What?

Serena: Uh? Oh...I mean...a movie?

Hikaru: Ok! (smiles)

Serena: (smiles weakly)

Bulma: Awww...

Serena: (glares at Bulma)

Bulma: (shuts up)

Ryoga: (is a mangled mess with no hair lying in the middle of the ring)

Vega: (licks the blood off of her hands)

(The song "Where You Are" By Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey comes on out of nowhere)

Hermione: Huh? Where the hell is that coming from??

Ranma: (whistles and walks away)

Bulma: ....

Ryoga: (is miraculously back to normal)

Hermione: Dood...

Ryoga: (walks up to Bulma) Wanna dance?

Bulma: **drools** Suuuuureee....

Vega: (jumps on Ryoga's shoulders again and starts smacking him in the head) Why won't you frigging die???????

Ryoga: AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Bulma: (walks away like it never happened)

Hermione: What a hell house!

Serena: (looks at Hikaru who is staring at her lovingly) Tell me about it...

Bulma: So, Ranma...what IS the point of this music.

Ranma: (jabs Hikaru in the side) Ask her to dance, you doink!

Hikaru: Uh...ok....Wanna dance?

Serena: Not really, but ok.

Ryoga: Hey...now that the mood is set...Wanna dance, Vega?

Vega: (stops ripping out hair) Ok! (jumps off of Ryoga's shoulders and swings him around violently to the beat)

Ryoga: WEEEE...wait...you're going too fast...AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bulma: Nooo! She's stealing my Ryoga!!!

Ukyo: MIIINE! (jumps on Bulma's shoulders and starts beating her over the head with many spatulas)

Bulma: AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! (fights back)

Serena: (dances with Hikaru and ignores the people being the monkeys out of each other)

Ranma: I have no one to dance with.

Akane: (walks by)

Ranma: Hey, Akane...wanna dance?

Akane: (ignores Ranma, and keeps walking)

Ranma: DOOD!!

Akane: (grabs Ryoga from Vega and dances with him)

Ryoga: Ehhhh....

Vega: HEY BITCH! I WAS DANCING WITH HIM!!!

Akane: NO! You were hurting him!

Vega and Akane: (fight each other violently)

Vega: (stands up and licks her fingers once again)

Akane: (lies on the ground unconscious)

Ryoga: YOU HARMED AKANE!

Vega: So...?

Ryoga: (runs at Vega)

Vega: (tears off her shirt)

Ryoga: AAHHH! (falls over)

Happosai: (enters) WOOHOO!!!!

Vega: (beats the shit out of Happosai)

Happosai: Eeeeehhhhhhhhh......

Hermione: Is this ever going to end??

Serena: Shouldn't the song have ended by now??

Ranma: It's an extended version...

Serena: Haw shit...

Ryoga: Hey...you know...dancing with Vega...felt....warm...and fuzzy...and—OH MY GOD!!! (bangs his head on the wall several times)

Bulma: An opening! (jumps on Ryoga and cuddles him)

Ryoga: AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

Serena: Well...

Hikaru: So...

Serena: (moves closer to Hikaru)

Hikaru: **blush**

Serena: (puts her head on his shoulder) **thinks** What am I doing??

Hikaru: **thinks** What is she doing?

Ranma: Damn, this is making me sick (turns off Where You Are and puts on Brackish by Kittie)

Serena and Hikaru: (break apart quickly)

(all the brawls stop)

Vega: (walks away licking her fingers)

Hermione: Well, zero actual battles happened today...

Bulma: (continues cuddling Ryoga) But it was still interesting.

Serena: Yeaaaahhhh...Anyway, ready to go, Hikaru?

Hikaru: Sure..**blush**

Serena: (smiles)

Bulma: (squeezes Ryoga) BYE BYE PEOPLE!


	16. Default Chapter Title

Celebrity Deathmatch—Anime Style!

Serena: **cough** Hmmm...

Hermione: Heh heh heh...Serena just got back from her DATE!

Serena: Stop that...

Bulma: Her little DATE with Hikaru!

Hikaru: (blushes furiously) Nnffnnnf....

Hermione: Hehehe...well, Serena left some EVIDENCE for us...

Bulma: Yeah...(turns Hikaru's face over to reveal a lipstick mark)

Hermione and Bulma: (burst into laughter)

Serena and Hikaru: (blush furiously)

Bulma: Well, enough teasing...we have a few nice battles for you all today!

Hermione: Well, sorta...the first one is going to be the battle of Master Roshi and Happosai!

Serena: (clears throat) They are two of anime's most famous perverts.

Bulma: Now is the time to settle the question "Who exactly IS the more perverted one???"

Hermione: That's right! And here they are!

Happosai: WHAT A HAUL! (comes jumping into the ring carrying a bag full of bras)

Serena: Who here saw that one coming?

Half of Audience: (raises their hands)

Roshi: Grrr...that's not fair! You actually live by girls! I live all alone on an island!

Happosai: That's just too damn bad!

Ranma: (takes a bite of his cracker)

Bulma: (grabs Ranma's cracker and eats it)

Ranma: You live to spite me...

Bulma: (smiles)

Roshi: Prepare to die! KAMEHAMEHA!!!

Happosai: HAPPO FIRE-BURST!

(a large explosion is sent throughout the ring)

A voice: Hey...can a REAL pervert get in on this game??

Hermione: Oh my god!

Bulma: Oh it can't be!

Serena: Is it!?

Bulma: It is! It is! 

Hermione: It looks as if a new fighter has entered the ring hoping to take out BOTH Happosai AND Roshi!

Serena: GOOOOOO RYOGA!!!

Vega: NO ONE TOLD YOU TO INTERFERE!!!! (hits Ryoga over the head with a frying pan) (drags his carcass away)

Bulma: That didn't last long...

Roshi: **ahem** as I was saying...(throws a punch at Happosai)

Happosai: HYAH! (whips Roshi in the face with a bra) HAHAHAHA!

Roshi: (falls over)

Happosai: (gives Roshi the weakness moxibustion)

Roshi: Noooo...self-esteem....melting....no....

Serena: Well, it looks as if Roshi is now weak and unable to battle!

Hermione: That means Happosai wins!

Happosai: WHAT A HAUL—Oh, I mean...YAAAY! (jumps out of the ring)

Vega: Well, no one likes you anyway, so....(whacks Happosai over the head and drags his carcass away)

Hermione: ...riiiiiiight.....

Serena: Now we will have the battle that I have dubbed "The Battle of the Little Shits"

Hermione: It is between the two cute little guys from two different shows.

Bulma: It is between TK from Digimon and Goten from Dragonball!

Vega: GOOOOTEEEEEEEEN!!!!

Goten: Ok...where is this kid?

TK: Right here!

Serena: AAWWWW!!!! THEY'RE BOTH SO CUTE!!!

Vega: GO GOTEN!

Matt: Hey! My brother's sure to win! Not that Goten kid!

Vega: Oh yeah? Wanna bet!?

Matt: Yeah, I'll bet you 20 bucks...no wait 50—(gets punched by Vega) AAAHHHH!!! AAHHHHH HELP MEEE!!! HELP MEEE AAAAHHHHH!!!!! GET HER OFF ME!!!!! AAAHHHH!!!!

Vega: DDDIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

Goten: KAMEHAMEHA!

TK: WOAH! (dodges)

Goten: (punches TK repeatedly)

Hermione: Such violence!

Ranma: Haha...kicks ass, doesn't it?

Bulma: (smacks Ranma)

Ranma: Oh yeah, that hurt...

Bulma: (hits Ranma in the head with a brick)

Ranma: (is unconscious)

Goten: (finishes TK off with a kick)

TK: (is kicked out of the ring)

Hermione: Well, it looks like Goten has won this battle!

Serena: (jumps into the outer-ring and picks up TK) (carries him into the control room)

Bulma: (stares)

Serena: What?? I like this kid...

TK: Wha...

Serena: YAAAY! (cuddles TK)

Ryoga: Hey wait! I thought you liked me!!

Vega: WHY WON'T YOU PEOPLE FRIGGING DIE???

Ryoga: That's it! TK, I challenge you! 

Bulma: Ryoga...he's 8....you're like 40...

Ryoga: I'm 19! 19! Got that??? 19!!!

Bulma: Oh.

Serena: Decaf, man...

Ryoga: oh shut up...

Serena: Well fine...then I'll just go back to cuddling TK! (cuddles TK)

TK: (giggles)

Ryoga: FIGHT ME CHILD!

TK: Nooooo...

Vega: I'll fight you!

Goten: (stares up at Vega with sad puppy eyes)

Vega: Wait...no I won't...(picks up Goten and carries him away)

Bra: Nooooo...My Goten....(gets hit with a brick that was thrown by Vega)

TK: Serena, get that scary man away from me...

Hermione: Go away, Ryoga!

Ryoga: No! I want to fight the kid!

Bulma: He just fought! Give him a break!

Serena: And what's the f*cking big deal??

Ryoga: Fine...I'll leave...I'm no longer wanted...**sniff**

Bulma: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! (grabs Ryoga by the waste)

Ryoga: AAAAHHHHH!!!

Hermione: This will never end...

Matt: Hey! Ryoga! You're scaring my little brother!

Ryoga: So?

Matt: So I don't like that!

Ryoga: Oh really??

Matt: Yeah! (attacks Ryoga)

Matt and Ryoga: (fight each other violently)

Vega: NOOOOO! I WANNA FIGHT THE PUSSIES!!!! (attacks Matt and Ryoga)

Matt: AHHHH NOOOO NOT AGAIN!!! AAAHHHH GET HER OFFA MEEE!!! HEEEEEEELP!!

Ryoga: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH GOD NOOOOO!!!!!! HAVE MERCY!!!!! AAHHHH AAAHHHHH HELLLLLP!!

Serena: This might happen in every episode now...

Bulma: Hehehe...good....

(the fighting stops)

Vega: (licks the blood off her hands and walks away)

Matt and Ryoga: (are mangled messes)

Ranma: (laughs at Ryoga)

Serena: (walks up to Matt and Ryoga and pokes them with a stick) Hehe, they're out

Hermione: ............

Bulma: Well, I think we should get to our next battle.

Ranma: (splashes himself with cold water and puts on a thong) Let me see that thooooong...baby...that thong, thong, thong, thong, thong!

Bulma: (backs away slowly)

Serena: I'm officially freaked out....

Hermione: Me too...

Ranma: Oohh that dress so scandelous--**OFF!**(gets hit with a Vega-thrown brick)

Vega: You people make me sick! (jumps on Ranma and beats him to a watery pulp)

Serena: .....

Bulma: You suck, Ranma...

Ranma: (doesn't respond) (is too busy having many monkeys beaten out of him)

Vega: I feel like beating someone else up (turns to Ryoga)

Ryoga: Nooo...

Vega: MUWAHAHAHA! (attacks Ryoga)

Ryoga: NOOO WHY ME WHY MEEEEE!!!!???? AAAAAHHH HEEEELLPPPPP HELP HELP MEEE!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

(a large cloud of smoke forms where Vega and Ryoga fight)

(the smoke clears revealing only Ryoga)

Ryoga: (looks around) Good..she's gone...

Vega: (jumps out from behind #18 the Refrigerator and attacks Ryoga)

Ryoga: AAAAAHHH!!!! NO NOOO!!!! PLEEEEASEE!!!!! HEEEEELLLP MEEEEE!!!

Vega: (disappears once again)

Ryoga: Ok...I need to escape...slowly...slowllyy—(gets attacked by Hawk Eye)

Ryoga: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!

Hikaru: Serena...you never told me if you had a good time on our date or not..

Serena: Uhhhhh...

(loud, suspenseful music is heard as Serena thinks with a serious face)

Everyone: (waits in silence for Serena's decision)

Hawk Eye: (breaks the silence and the suspenseful music by attacking Hikaru)

Hikaru: AAAHHH!!!! NOOOOOO STUPID DDDOOOOOOGGG!!!

Vega: HEY! DUN INSULT MAH DOG!! (attacks Hikaru too)

Hikaru: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! WHHHYYYYY????? GOD WHYYYYY????? 

Serena: Good, now I don't have to answer. (walks away)

Neseiya: (feels left out) (attacks Hikaru too)

Hikaru: HAWWW SHITTTT....

Bulma: So...DID you have a good time, Serena?

Hermione: Yeah..did you?

Serena: umm...well...yeah sorta...but I'm not gonna tell him that...

Bulma: So..what ARE you gonna tell him...

Serena: I'll tell him that I'm in love with Ranma so he'll beat up Ranma instead of bothering me.

Bulma: Good plan...

TK: Serena, I'm tired...

Serena: Aww...don't worry..the show's almost over...(smiles)

Hikaru: (crawls out of the cloud of smoke created by the battle) You hate mee....

Serena: Huh?

Hikaru: You don't like me, do you?

Serena: No..........I just.................................

Bulma: Don't like him?

Serena: No! I just don't wanna have him as a boyfriend, 'sall!

Hermione: Reasonable...

Hikaru: **whimper** Ok...I'll go quietly...

Serena: Wait. You can stay...just don't bother me...k?

Hikaru: K.

TK: A happy ending!!

Bulma: Aw man...I want so much to chuck a brick at him...but he's just...so....cuuuute...

TK: BWAHAHAHAHAHA—I mean...happy endings!!!

Serena: (hugs TK tightly)

TK: (smiles)

Bulma: (picks up a brick)

Hermione: (grabs Bulma's arm) No...

Bulma: ...hmmmmppphh.....

Kari: Hey! Where's that Goten kid?? He beat up TK!

Bra: Hey! You're not planning to fight Goten are you??

Kari: Sure am!

Bra: Then you'll have to get through ME first!

Kari: Fine! I can take five minutes out of my day to kick your ass!

Tai: **GASP** MY SISTER! (falls over)

Serena: ....(picks Tai up and puts him on a medical cot) 

Bulma: ....

Hermione: Well people, it looks as if another battle has started down in the ring!

Serena: **GASP** the Battle of the Shits Part 2!!!

Kari: HAIYA! (punches Bra)

Bra: GRRRR...KAMEHAMEHAA!!!

Kari: AAAAHHH!!! (gets blown out of the ring, but gets up)

Bra: Hey...if you leave Goten alone, I'll make sure he leaves TK alone...

Kari: Deal.

TK: More happy endings!!!

Bulma: Brick...must...have...brick...

Hermione: ...Uh...I think we should end this episode before Bulma gets violent!

Serena: Oh right! (puts an ice-pack on Tai's head) Bye people!


	17. Default Chapter Title

Celebrity Deathmatch—Anime Style!

Serena: We're back! And we have another interesting episode for you today!

Bulma: Vega has come for another episode!

Vega: (smiles)

Hermione: But she won't be battling today...we hope...

Vega: You wish—oh I mean....yeeeess.....

Bulma: ...

Serena: Our first battle is between anime's two favorite amnesia patients!

Hermione: Darien and Shinnosuke!

Bulma: Darien doesn't know who the hell he is...and Shinnosuke...just...forgets things....

Darien: Who am I?

Shinnosuke: Why am I here?

Darien: You're supposed to fight me.

Shinnosuke: Why? Who are you? Who are all these people??

Hikaru: Ummm...this could take awhile...

Vega: Heeeeeeeeey, weak guy's here! (attacks Hikaru)

Hikaru: AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!! WHYYYYY!!!!???

Shinnosuke: (sees Akane in the audience) AKANEEEE!!! (gets hit in the face with a brick thrown by Bulma)

Darien: Come on! Fight me!

Shinnosuke: Ok...if you say so...(hits Darien over the head with his broom)

Darien: HAHAHA YOU SUCK!! **BANG** (gets hit with the broom)

Shinnosuke: Hey...who are you?

Darien: (is unconscious)

Shinnosuke: Hey...hey dude...why are you lying on the ground like that? Are you okay?

Serena: Ehhh....

Bulma: I knew this wasn't a good idea...

Vega: I'll end this! (goes to attack Shinnosuke)

Shinnosuke: Hey...who are you—AAHHHH!!!! AAAAAHHH HEY GET OFF ME!!! AAAAHHHHH WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Ryoga: (walks in)

Vega: RYOGAAAA!!! (attacks Ryoga)

Ryoga: Nooo!!! AAAAHHH!!! AAAAAHHH SHE'S BITING ME AAAAAHHHH!!!! OW MY HAIR MY HAAAAIRRR!!! HELP!!! SHE'S DRAWING BLOOD!!! HELP MEE!!!! OH LOTS OF BLOOD!!! 

Shinnosuke: (is being carried away by Hawk Eye and Neseiya)

Hermione: So much for Vega not battling today...

Bulma: Yeah...but did you really expect her to not fight?

Serena: We can't have a normal battle without having a Vega battle to go with it..

Hermione: The audience seems to enjoy it...

Audience: WOOHOOOOO!!!

Akane: That's it! You're hurting Ryoga! (attacks Vega)

Vega: (sticks out her hand)

Akane: DIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE--**OOF!** (runs into Vega's hand and falls unconscious)

Ranma: You hurt Akane! (attacks Vega)

Vega: (flashes her chest to Ranma)

Ranma: AAHHH!!!!! (falls backward)

Vega: YAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA!

Happosai: WOOHOO! (goes to grab Vega's chest)

Vega: (kicks Happosai)

Happosai: (goes flying)

Serena: Well...everyone that Vega was fighting is pretty much unconscious...

Janitor: (sweeps them all off the ring)

Vega: (walks away)

Bulma: ....

Hermione: Let's move on to our next battle...

Serena: This battle is a little different. It is a bake-off battle!

Bulma: It is between Akane, Ukyo, Lita AND Shampoo!

Hermione: The three cooks of Ranma ½! 

Serena: AND The one from Sailor Moon!

Akane, Ukyo, Lita, and Shampoo: (enter the ring)

Serena: The dish is Bac Choy! And...begin!

(the four cooks cook vigorously)

Hermione: Our taste-tester will be TK!

Serena: You all rememer him from the last battle.

Bulma: He got the monkeys beaten out of him by Goten! But now Serena's his friend, and he likes food...

Serena: So he's our taste-tester!

TK: (enters the ring)

Akane, Lita, Ukyo, and Shampoo: (hold out their plates)

TK: Yeah..like I can reach that high...

Akane, Lita, Ukyo, and Shampoo: (Kneel down)

TK: Thanks...(takes a bite of Shampoo's dish) YUMMY!

Shampoo: (smiles) Shampoo win for sure!

TK: (takes a bite of Ukyo's dish) OOOO THAT'S GOOD TOO!

Ukyo: Is it better than Shampoo's??

TK: ...I like them both...this is hard...well I still have two others to try... (takes a bite of Lita's) MMM! That one's good too! I don't know!

Lita: Grrr...come on...come on...

TK: (takes a bite of Akane's) ......it's not as good as the others...but it's food!

Akane: ??? It's good???

TK: Well...I can't choose...

Vega: I know! I know! How about I kill all four of them AND the kid!

Serena: Well...

Vega: Oh...oh I see...that wouldn't be fair...oooooh ok...

Bulma: Well, the only way to settle this is to have all four of them fight in savage battle!

Hermione: That's your solution to everything...

Bulma: I know! (smiles)

Lita: (punches Shampoo) 

Shampoo: Ai-ya! Shampoo no take this! (beats Lita to a bloody pulp)

Vega: Heeeeeyyy..she stole my job! Grrrr...after this battle...she's going down...

Akane: (hits Shampoo over the head with her mallet)

Shampoo: Ai-ya! (faints)

Akane: Hahaha--**BANG** (gets hit in the head with Ukyo's giant spatula)(is unconscious)

Ukyo: Looks like I win!

Hermione: And there you have it...Ukyo wins!

Serena: Well...that was four pages of fun...

Bulma: Yeah...

Joseibi: (walks into the control room) Ranma?

Ranma: AHH! Who are you?? And why do you look like me??

Serena: Joseibi's another made-up RPG character...duuuhh...

Hermione: She's also your sister...

Ranma: (faints)

Joseibi: RANMAAA! IT IS YOUUU!! (hugs her unconscious brother)

Ranma: ......................................get her off me....

Bulma: (sprays Joseibi with water)

Joseibi: (turns into a fox)

Ranma: No...she followed me to Jusenkyo..?

Joseibi: (nods)

Bulma: (sprays Joseibi with a hot water gun)

Joseibi: (turns back into the blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl-type Ranma look-alike) Thanks...

Ranma: I have another sister....gahhhh...

Joseibi: Wha?

Ranma: Mom fell off a cliff and dad married her mom (points to Serena)

Serena: Hehehe (smiles)

Joseibi: Sissy!!! (hugs Serena)

Hermione: Well...our next and last battle will be between another RPG character named Aradia.

Joseibi: My best friend! (gives the peace sign)

Aradia: Eeehhehhehehe...

Joseibi: Aradia has chosen to fight Misty! She recommended it herself!

Misty: Well, another day, another ass to kick...where is she??

Aradia: eeehhehehheehee....prepare to dieeee!!!!!!

Misty: Uh oh...she looks pissed...

Joseibi: That's cuz she is...

Serena: ...

Misty: Ooohhh...ok. **BANG** (gets hit with Aradia's fist)

Aradia: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA EAT THAT BIATCH!

Misty: (is unconscious)

Joseibi: (claps) GOOO ARADIAAAAA!!!

Serena: Well, it looks like Misty is unable to battle!

Bulma: That sure didn't take long...

Hermione: Did you have any doubt?

Bulma: ..no...

Janitor: (sweeps Misty off the ring while Aradia laughs evilly)

Aradia: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Joseibi: YAAAAYY ARADIA!! THAT'S MY GIRL!!!

Vega: I like this girl...violent and evil in nature...

Aradia: Woohoo! (jumps up into the control tower and joins her friend)

Joseibi: Hiiieeee!!!

Aradia: Hehe, hi...

Ryoga: I'm back!

Vega: .......WHY WON'T YOU DIE???

Ryoga: Nooooooo...she's here....

Vega: Hehehe...I'll wait until I catch you off guard...

Joseibi: Oooohhhh...Ranma...who's your hot friend?

Ryoga: Who's the kid?

Ranma: **sigh** Joseibi, this is Ryoga...Ryoga, my little sister Joseibi...

Joseibi: Hiiiii...**sparkle** **blush**

Ryoga: ...how old is she?

Joseibi: **GASP** He wants my age! He wants my age!

Aradia: ...yeah...but he's like 40...

Ryoga: I'M 19!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!! 19!!!! 19 GOD DAMMIT!!!

Aradia: Well, sorrrrrry!

Ryoga: WHY DO YOU PEOPLE THINK I'M 40??? I'M 19!!! 19—AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! (gets attacked by Vega) AAAHHH MY GOD NOOOOO!!!! AAAAHHHHH WHYYYY GOD WHYYYY!!! AHHHHH HELP MEEEE SOMEONE PLEEEEEASE!!!

Aradia: (smiles)

Joseibi: Awww...poor Ryoga.....

Serena: Well, that's all we have for you today! 

Bulma: Bye everyone!


	18. Default Chapter Title

Celebrity Deathmatch—Anime Style!

Serena: Hiii everyone!

Bulma: Today's show will be almost as interesting as the last one!

Hermione: If you'd like to call the last one interesting...

Joseibi: I'm back today! (smiles)

Ranma: Me too...

Vega: Eeehhehehehe...

Aradia: Yeah...I'm back too...

Serena: Today's first battle I have dubbed "The Battle of the Hotties"

Bulma: Serena's always dubbing the battles...wazzap wit dat??

Serena: I don't know...leave me be!

Bulma: ooo okee...

Hermione: ...Well, two hotties—uh...I mean--guys that all the girls like...have been brought to the Celebrity Deathring to rage in savage combat!

Bulma: As you all know and love...

Serena: The two battlers are none other than Trunks and Ryoga!

Trunks: Bring it on, Bandana-Boy!

Ryoga: Suck my **BLEEP**

Joseibi: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

TK: Serena, what's a **BLEEP**?

Serena: **twitch**

Trunks: (punches Ryoga in the jaw)

Ryoga: (doesn't even flinch) That didn't hurt a bit! (kicks Trunks in the nuts)

Trunks: Eeeeeeeeee!!!! (talks in a squeaky voice) That didn't hurt either...**twitch** **twitch**

Joseibi: I'm emotionally scarred...**twitch**

Hermione: Stop twitching, damn you all!

Bulma: Gooooooo Twunkeez!

Vega: Noo! I want Ryoga to win so I can beat him up! 

Bulma: No! Twunkeez! I wuv my wittle—(gets attacked by Vega) AAAAAHHHHHHH NOOOO!!!! WHY GOD WWWHHHHYYYYY!!!!????? HEEEEELP MEEE!!!

Hermione: ....

Trunks: (tries to kick Ryoga's knees)

Ryoga: (is choking Trunks)(manages to cut off Trunks's breathing totally)

Serena: And Ryoga has won!

Bulma: (is unconscious)

Vega: (claps for Ryoga) Eeeehehehhehe...

Ryoga: WOOHOO!! I SHOWED THAT GUY! HE THINKS HE'S SO HOT! I SHOWED HIM WHO'S HOT! IT'S ME! ME! NOT HI—AAAAHHHHHHHHH HELP MEEEE! (gets attacked by Vega) AAAAAHHHHHH WHAT THE **BLEEP** IS GOING ON HERE YOU **BLEEP**ING LITTLE MOTHER **BLEEP**ER!!!

Joseibi: AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! **TWITCH** **TWITCH**

TK: Serena....what's a **BLEEP** and a **BLEEP**ing mother **BLEEP**er?

Serena: **TWITCH**

Matt: Hey! Ryoga! You're teaching my brother bad language! (attacks Ryoga too)

Ryoga: NOOOOOOO!!!!

Vega: HEY! Ryoga's MY fight! (attacks Matt)

Matt: AAAAAHHHHH HEY!!! NOOO!!! AHHHH SHE'S BITING MY ARM!!! AHHHH GET HER OFF MEE!!!!!

Ryoga: (tries to crawl away slowly) (gets pulled back into the fight by Vega)

(3 minutes later)

Ryoga and Matt: (are unconscious)

Vega: (wipes dust off her hands and walks back into the control room)

Aradia: Hehehe...goooooood onnnnneeee......

Vega: Thanks!

Joseibi: (turns to Ranma) I don't think I like Ryoga anymore **twitch** he's emotionally scarred me...now I'll end up melting like Hikaru.

Hikaru: Heyyy...that hurrts....(melts)

Vega: YAY! WEAK DUDE! (splashes around in the Hikaru-puddle) WEEEE!!!

Hikaru: HMMMMMPPPHHHHH **BLEEP** HHHMMMPPPPPHHHHHHHH **BLEEP** MMMMPPPPHHHMMM!!! **BLEEP**

TK: Can someone please tell me what the **BLEEP** a **BLEEP** is???

Serena: **TWITCH**

Matt: Hey! Now Hikaru's teaching him bad language! (splashes around in Hikaru too)

Hikaru: HHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Vega: No! My puddle! (attacks Matt)

Matt and Vega: (fight in the puddle)

Hikaru: HMMMMMMMMPPPPHHHH! **whimper**

TK: GO MATT!

Vega: (kicks TK)

TK: (goes flyin)

Kari: NO TK! (attacks Vega)

Vega: (kicks Kari)

Kari: (goes flying)

Serena: There are children flying around in here!

Bulma: I'll go get the fly swatter! (goes to get a fly swatter)

Hermione: ...

Bulma: (comes back in with a high-powered hair-dryer) This is all I could find (blows TK and Kari around)

TK and Kari: AAAHH! 

Vega: (tries to hit them with her glaive as they fly around)

TK: AH! **dodge** No! **dodge** stop! **dodge**

Kari: Help! **Dodge** No! **dodge** why!? **dodge**

Vega: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!

Matt: Hey! You're blowing my brother!

Joseibi: GGGGYYAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! **twitches constantly**

Tai: And that's my sister!

Matt and Tai: (attack Vega)

Vega: (grabs the hair-dryer from Bulma and blows TK, Kari, Matt, and Tai around with it)

TK, Kari, Matt, and Tai: AAAAAHHHHH HELP UUUSSSSS!!!!

Vega: (laughs hysterically) WEEEE THIS IS FUN! (steps in Hikaru a couple of times)

Hikaru: AAHH!!! MMMPPHHHH!!!

Hermione: All hell has broken loose, ladies and gentlemen!

Audience: HOORAAAAAYYY!!!!

Bulma: ...

Joseibi: Ok, can I fight now?

Serena: Oh yeah, that's right...Joseibi's battle! She insisted that she be able to fight with Shampoo...

Bulma: Damn yo...Shampoo fights A LOT in this show...

Hermione: Shampoo fights a lot, PERIOD...

Bulma: ...

Joseibi: Hehehe, time to kick some Amazon Ass!

Shampoo: Ai-ya! Little blonde-girl who look like Girl Ranma! You I kill!

Joseibi: My name is Joseibi! And I don't look like Girl Ranma, do I???

Serena, Hermione, and Bulma: (start coughing a lot)

(Meanwhile) Vega: (continues to blow the Digimon characters around the room) WWWEEEEE!!!

Joseibi: (runs at Shampoo, her right fist extended)

Shampoo: Ai-ya! (dodges out of the way of Joseibi's Punch of Sheer Hell)

Joseibi: **GASP** No one's ever dodged out of the way of my Punch of Sheer Hell!!

Shampoo: Shampoo no ordinary girl...Shampoo have lots training...Shampoo never be defeated by little—AI-YAAAA!! (gets whacked in the head by Vega's glaive) 

Vega: Shut the **BLEEP** up and fight her!

Shampoo: Ai....ya...

TK: Yay..she finally stopped blowing us around...(suddenly lifts off the ground) Nooo...

Tai, Matt, and Kari: (lift off the ground, too)

Tai: (looks around him) Oh no...

Kari: (sees Vega, Neseiya, and Hawk Eye all holding high-powered hairdryers)

Tai, Matt, TK, and Kari: AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! (are blowing around at a faster pace and slamming into many sharp objects)

Serena: ooohhh..thaz gotta hurt...

Joseibi: Die you stupid Amazon, DIE! (punches Shampoo hard in the jaw)

Shampoo: Shampoo never be—(gets hit in the jaw) (goes flying)

Joseibi: WOOHOO!

Shampoo: Shampoo be defeated by girl...(kisses Joseibi on the cheek)

Joseibi: AH WHAT THE HELL???? LEZBO!!! LEZBOOOOO!

Shampoo: No stupid! Is Kiss of Death! Shampoo now have kill you!

Joseibi: WHY DOESN'T ANYONE TELL ME THESE THINGS BEFORE I GO AND BATTLE AN AMAZON???

Shampoo: Unless...unless...you is man, also...

Joseibi: Um...no...

Shampoo: Good....

Joseibi: And besides...even if I WAS a guy...I wouldn't marry you! You're a slut! And I already have my hopes set on someone...

Hikaru: ME!?

Joseibi: Sweet Baby Jesus, NO!

Hikaru: Self-esteem....noooo....

Serena: So who do you love??

Joseibi: You wouldn't know him...

Kenji Hibiki: Hey! Joseibi!

Joseibi: WWWWOOOOOOONDERFUL TIMING!!!!

Hermione: Oh my god! Does that say HIBIKI???

Bulma: ...how can you see the names?? Isn't this a TV show??

Hermione: ...

Serena: Ooohh...she's got ya there!

Ryoga: Nooo! The shame!

Everyone: WHO THE @#%%$ IS KENJI??

Ryoga: He's my son, you doinks!

Bulma: Heeeeyyyy...doinks is mah word...

Everyone: OOOH..

Serena: With who??

Ukyo: (stands up and waves her hands in the air) MEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Ranma: What a GOOD fiancee...(gets hit in the face with a spatula)

Joseibi: Uh...meet Kenji...I wuv mah widdle Kenji-poo—Uh...I mean...I'm engaged to Kenji...

Vega: FRESH HIBIKI MEAT!!! (attacks Kenji)

Kenji: NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY DID I HAVE TO BE BORN TO YOU!!!!????

Ryoga: Self-esteem...nooo....melting.....can't stop......heellllppp.....

Kenji: (opens a Lightening Shield around him)

Vega: I'll deal with you later...

Kenji: At least Mom can find her way to the bathroom in her own house within a three hour period!

Ryoga: I'm already melted...whaddoya want??

Joseibi: (hugs Kenji tightly around the neck) Are you ok my widdle sweedy poo?—Uh...I mean....here, have some ointment! (chucks a bottle of ointment at Kenji and walks away)

Vega: I'm bored....Hey I know! (goes back to stomping around in Hikaru)

Hikaru: Nooooo....

Vega: Hey wait! Ryoga's a puddle too! (stomps around in Ryoga)

Ryoga: Nooooo.......

Hermione: Well, that's all we have for you today...bye bye!


	19. Default Chapter Title

Celebrity Deathmatch—Anime Style! 

Kenji: Go away, woman! (tries to push Joseibi away)

Joseibi: But Vega hurt you!

Vega: Hehehheheee.....

Kenji: That was last episode! I'm fine now! (yells so his fangs show)

Joseibi: Oooh those fangs! (throws her arms around Kenji) Just like Ryoga's! 

Kenji: Idiot! Ryoga's my dad!

Joseibi: Oh well! He's hot!

Hermione: ...Well...as you've all already figured out...we're back for another extremely messed up episode of Celebrity Deathmatch—Anime Style...

Serena: AWWWW! Kenji mah widdle future brother in laaaaw! (throws her arms around Kenji too)

Kenji: Please God! Make it stop!

Joseibi: FANGS! FANGS! DOSE SEXY FANGS! (kisses Kenji all over his face)

Kenji: WHY DID I @#%#$ING COME HERE???

Joseibi: Cuz yer a doink...

Bulma: AAAAYYY!

Ukyo: Watch your language, young man! **OOF**--(gets hit in the face with a brick)

Bulma: The simple way to shut people up..

Kenji: Hey...can I borrow some of those bricks?

Bulma: Noooo...I like watching you suffer...

Vega: Meeee tooooo....

Tai: Wait just one god damn minute! Joseibi, get off him!

Joseibi: Hey what the hell??

Tai: Kenji...Joseibi is MY fiancee!

(a loud BUM BUM BBBBUUUUUUMMMMM is heard)

Ranma: (punches the guy playing the music)

Guy Playing Music: (goes flying)

Joseibi: Hey! What the hell are you talking about??? I don't even know who the hell you are!

Tai: ...Ok....so I'm NOT Joseibi's fiance...but.....Hey, she's god damn cute and this makes for a nice battle!

Kenji: Bring it on! (rips off his shirt)

Joseibi: Ehhh...I like you the way you are...no need to show off...

Kenji: **glare**

Joseibi: (shuts the hell up)

Tai: (rips off his shirt too)

Ranma: (rips off his shirt too)

Serena: (stares at Ranma strangely)

Ranma: ..heh...just for...effect...

Hermione: You're god damn messed up...

Ranma: **glare**

Hermione: (shuts the hell up too)

Kenji: Get a haircut asswhipe! (runs at Tai with a fistful of ki energy)

Tai: You may be able to talk smart, but I bet you can't fight for--**POW** (gets hit by Kenji's Power Fist)

Joseibi: OOOOOOO KENJI! YOU DO LOVE ME!!!

Kenji: No...I don't....I'm just fighting him because he thinks he's cool when he's got hair the size of Texas!

Tai: What? Huh? **POW** (gets hit again by Kenji's ki blast)

Kenji: HAHA! You're pathetic! You think you can fi--**POW** (gets hit by Tai's hair) OOOOOHHHH THE PAIIIIN!!!

Tai: HAHA! Sometimes big hair can come in handy—wait...what the hell am I saying??

Bulma: Doooood...he juz dissed himself...haha...

Tai: Melting....noooo...

Kenji and Vega: (say in unison) AN OPENING!

Kenji: (kicks the watery-Tai around)

Vega: (jumps around in it) WEEEE!

Tai: Ok...ok...I give up on Joseibiiiii...

Joseibi: WOOHOO! (jumps around in Tai too)

Ranma: You girls...you're so quiet...why? Are you tired?

Hermione: No...just deeply disturbed...

Nodoka: (walks in) Hiii!

Serena: Hey! Didn't you fall off a cliff somewhere?

Nodoka: Yeah...but I'm back!

Bulma: Why won't anyone die??

Vega: I'LL KILL HER! (attacks Nodoka)

Nodoka: AAAHHHH WHAT THE F*CK????? WHO ARE YOU???? AAAAAHHH GET OFF MEE!!!

Queen Serenity: GOOOOOO VEGA!

Everyone: (stares)

Queen Serenity: (walks away)

Hermione: This is all pointless..

Serena: But the audience loves it..

Audience: VEGA! VEGA! VEGA! VEGA! 

Vega: SHADDAP!!!

Audience: (shuts the hell up)

Joseibi: (continues to cuddle Kenji)

Kenji: Pretend she's not there...pretend she's not there...

Joseibi: (sees the fangs) Fangs...must....touch....them....

Kenji: (tries to pull away)

Serena: They're so cute!

Hermione: My ass....

Bulma: What about your ass?

Ranma: Bulma....you're a dumbshit...

Bulma: ..........................................

Nodoka: (gasps for air as Vega walks away) Hey! I heard that some girl named Serenity married my husband!

Serenity: YOU WERE DEAD!!!

Nodoka: No...I wasn't dead....just....hurt....badly....

Serenity: Well you looked dead!

Nodoka: That just goes to show you...you must always check for a pulse before you marry some other girl's husband...

Serenity: Where the @#%^ did you hear that???

Nodoka: I...forget....

Serenity: Alright....you think you're so tough! Why don't you fight me! One on one for Genma!

Genma: Did I hear my name?

Ranma: ....I oughtta smack you....Hey, what's stopping me? (smacks Genma)

Genma: (goes flying)

Ranma: That felt good...

Nodoka and Serenity: (go into battle stance)

Nodoka: Genma is my husband!

Genma: Can I suggest a divorce? (gets hit in the face with a brick)

Serenity: Well, he just married me! So he doesn't need you anymore!

Genma: Why don't you let me decide on keeping Serenity—I mean...decide on...who I'm gonna keep...

Joseibi: Awww...but that's no fun, Daddy! Let them rage in savage combat!

Vega: Hehehe...yeah...let them....

Genma: Aw what the hell...

Serenity: (chucks the Silver Crystal at Nodoka)

Nodoka: **BANG** (gets hit with the crystal) (has a small indentation in her forehead now) MY FOREHEAD! YOU BIAAAAAATCH!

Serenity: HAHAHAHAHAAA! (gets whacked in the head with a bowl)

Nodoka: I bet you can't even cook!

Serenity: THAT HURT YOU SKANK! (throws a bunch of crystals at Nodoka)

Nodoka: AAHHH **BANG** **BANG** **BANG** (gets hit with all the crystals)

Vega: That looks fun! (throws crystals at Ryoga)

Ryoga: AH! **BANG** HEY! **SMACK** WHY ARE YOU--**POW**

Nodoka: (is unconscious)

Serenity: YAY! (jumps into Genma's arms)

Genma: Wow! I have girls fighting over me! I guess like father, like son!

Ranma: I oughtta smack you again...just for saying that...Hey, what's stopping me?? (smacks Genma)

Genma and Serenity: (go flying)

Genma: Son, stop smacking your father around!

Ranma: (keeps smacking Genma)

Vega: NOOO LEMMEEEE!! (smacks Genma around)

Kenji: Dad, you could make money off all those crystals Vega threw at you...

Ryoga: (is unconscious) (has many bruises)

Vega: He's not sellin mah crystals! (picks up all the crystals and walks away, stepping on Ryoga's face)

Ryoga: MMPPHH! (gets poked in the mouth with one of Vega's heels) (bleeds)

Kuno: I believe I might be able to defeat this girl you all call Vega...the beautiful one with the jet black hair...

Vega: **COUGH** Yeah right **COUGH**

Kuno: You have no idea how much I've trained for this battle...I went to the deepest, darkest depths of the forests to—AAAHHHHH OH MY SWEET LORD WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING!!! AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (gets attacked by Vega) HHHHELP ME GOOODDDDD AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Vega: (stops attacking Kuno)

Kuno: If I...ow...win this...ow pain....battle...then....I shall allow you to....I'm bleeding...date with me....ow...

Vega: And who the hell is asking to date you???

Kuno: ....

Serena: She's got ya there!

Bulma: Once again...

Ranma: This thing right here...is letting all the ladies know what guys talk about...you know...the finer thing in life...haha...ooh that dress so scandelous—**BANG**(gets hit in the face with a brick)

Vega: Ok, time to die, Kuno (beats up Kuno and chases him around the arena)

Serena: WATCH OUT FOR THE CAM—

(**BZZT**)

( A "Sorry, we are experiencing technical difficulties" sign comes up on the screen as you hear sounds of fighting, screaming in pain, and yelling in the background.

Sorry, we are **WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU DOING** experiencing technical difficulties **AAAHHH GET OFF ME!!!** The show will resume **WAIT! FIX THE CAMERA!** as soon as **AW F*CK THAT HURTS!** we fix the **SH*T YO! SHE'S COMING RIGHT AT ME!!** problem.....)

(camera's come back on)

Kuno: (is a bloody mess)

Vega: (licks the blood off her hands)

Joseibi: (laughs hysterically)

Hermione: Well...that's all we have for you today...

Ranma: Thank the living lord...

Vega: (attacks Ranma)

Ranma: AAAAHHHHH NO WHAT THE F*CK!!?? AAAAAHHH HEY YOU'RE GONNA HIT THE CAMERA AGAI—

(**BZZT**)


	20. Default Chapter Title

Celebrity Deathmatch—Anime Style!: Sports Day

Bulma: Hey everyone! It's Sports Day today on Celebrity Deathmatch—Anime Style!

Serena: Where three different battles will occur—each in the form of a different sport!

Hermione: And the first battle will be a one-on-one basketball shoot-out between Akane, everyone's favorite tomboy, and Vega, everyone's favorite...bloodthirsty...evil...mani...ac...

Vega: Grrr...

Bulma: Vega requested this battle herself!

Vega: Die, Akane...DIE!

Hermione: Uh...sorry to burst your bubble, Vega...but the rules of Basketball state that you can't use physical offenses at all in this sport.

Vega: WHAT???? NOOOO! WHOEVER MADE THOSE RULES!!! I'LL KILL EM!

Bulma: **GULP** Uh...but...but...in the CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH game of Basketball...fighting...IS...allowed....don't hurt us...

Vega: That's better!

Janitor: (brings out two hoops and puts them at each end of the ring)

Akane: (brings out a basketball)

Vega: (attacks Akane for a second, and runs toward the opposite hoop with the basketball) AAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAA!

Akane: Ow...my arm...I'm bleeding....help me....

Vega: MUWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAA! (shoots the ball into the hoop) BOOYA!!

Akane: Hey...what's booya mean—**BANG** (gets hit in the face with a basketball)

Vega: Woops! Dropped it! (grabs the ball again and makes another basket)

Serena: DAMN YO! Vega is in the lead! 2 to nothing!

Bulma: **coughakanesuckscough**

Hermione: ...

Vega: That's because I kick ass at this game! WOOHOO—**BANG** (gets kicked in the face by Akane)

Akane: (steals the ball from Vega) OH YEAH BABY! (runs down the court)  


Vega: NOOOO!!! (runs after Akane) GET BACK HERE YOU #@%#@!!!!!

Akane: (nears the basketball hoop) (shoots the ball)

Vega: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Ball: (gets intercepted by Kenji)

Kenji: HAHAHAHAHA!

Serena: And it looks like Kenji Hibiki has intercepted the ball!

Hermione: ...They've figured that part out, I'm sure...

Bulma: Is that legal??

Hermione: Anything is legal in this game...

Kenji: (passes the ball to Joseibi who is now on Vega's side)

Joseibi: WOOHOO! (passes the ball to Vega)

Vega: (catches the ball) (throws it at Akane)

Akane: **BANG** (gets hit in the face with the basketball) (falls unconscious)

Vega: (grabs the basketball and makes a basket just as the timer runs out)

Hermione: And it looks like Vega has won this one people!

Bulma: Did we have any doubt??

Ranma: Our next battle will be a one-on-one—hopefully—game of hockey between Kenji Hibiki and his...(takes a closer look at the paper) SISTER, MATOKO???

Serena: RYOGA HAS A DAUGHTER TOO???

Bulma: Hey...who told Ranma he could announce the next battle!?

Ryoga: It's true! I'm a pimp!

Audience: **GASP** DOOOOOOOOOODDD!!!

Serena: So who's the mother of this one??

Ryoga: Not sure...

Ukyo: MEEEEE AGAAAAAAIIIN!

Ryoga: Oh.

Janitor: (takes out the basketball hoops and presses a button)

(a large wave floods the arena and freezes)

Janitor: (brings out two goals and puts them on each side of the ring) (puts a puck in the middle)

Matoko: (comes onto the ice in hockey gear carrying a hockey stick)

Kenji: (does the same)

Luna: Ok...all rules are screwed in this game...so all is valid! PLAY!

Matoko and Kenji: (hit each other madly with the sticks)

Bulma: Umm...you're not supposed to be fighting...you're supposed to be playing hockey...

Matoko and Kenji: (stop) Oh.

Kenji: (grabs the puck quickly with his stick and speeds down the rink)

Matoko: (chases after him)

Kenji: (is going the wrong way)

Matoko: (is going the opposite way of Kenji)

Hermione: ...Why is she going in the other direction???

Serena: Why is HE trying to score a goal for Matoko???

Ryoga: Ah...the Hibiki sense of direction...

Serena, Hermione, and Bulma: Oh...

Ranma: This could be interesting...

Matoko: Hey...I'm sposta be going that way! (goes after Kenji in the right direction)

Kenji: (skates toward his sister)

Matoko: HEY WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING--**BANG**

Kenji and Matoko: (collide)

Matoko: (takes the puck and skates toward her own goal)

Serena: (smacks her forehead) this could take awhile...

Kenji: I have to chase her then...(skates out of the ring and goes to China)

Matoko: (stops) (is confused)

Hermione: Well...I guess that means Kenji has forfeited...

Bulma: That means Matoko wins...

Joseibi: Well that was sure interesting...Mah Kenji's in China...

Bulma: Dood...

Serena: Hey...how do you know where he went??

Joseibi: It's written up there...

Hermione: Up where??? Where are you people talking about???

Everyone: (is silent as they ponder what the hell this all means)

Serena: Llllllllleeeet's move on...

Hermione: Our next game/battle will be another one that Vega suggested herself...

Bulma: It is Vega VS Ryoga in a swimming race!

Janitor: (presses another button, and the ice melts to form a nice pool)

Ryoga and Vega: (jump in and swim to the starting line)

Joseibi: On your marks...get set....GO!

Ryoga and Vega: (swim as fast as they can)

Ryoga: (is ahead of Vega)

Vega: Grrrr...(swims over to Ryoga and grabs his head)

Ryoga: Hey what the—BLLLRRRRBBLLLBBBB!! (gets pulled under water and held there by Vega)

(ten full minutes later)

Vega: (lets go of Ryoga)

Ryoga: (floats to the top of the water) (is motionless)

Vega: (swims to the finish-line) I WIN AGAIN!

Hermione: ...

Matoko: Uh...Daddy?

Ryoga: (is still floating in the ring)

Janitor: (drains the ring and sweeps Ryoga away)

Vega: (attacks the Janitor)

Bulma: HEY WHAT IS SHE DOING!?

Serena: I don't know...but the audience wants to see...

Janitor: (runs away)

Vega: (presses the button and makes the pool again) 

Serena: Hmmm...maybe she wants to go for a swim?

Hermione: I doubt it...

Vega: (runs up to the Digimon section of the audience and picks up all the Digimon characters) (starts chucking them into the pool, one by one)

Digimon Characters: AAAAHHHHH!!!!! BBBBLLLLLRRRRRRBBBLLLLLL!!!! (drown)

Matt: HAHA I CAN SWIM! (swims)

Vega: (jumps into the pool) (grabs Matt's head and holds him underwater)

Matt: MMMMBBBLLLLLRRRRRBBBBLLLLLL!!! (drowns)

Serena: Dood...

Bulma: Well...

Vega: (drains the pool and sweeps all the Digimon characters away with a large smile on her face)

Hermione: Well...we should end this episode before more people get seriously injured...

Serena: Yeah...bye everyone.


End file.
